Snow what!

Ok, so I must admit that this Christmas has been a bit difficult. With no house of my own and no Christmas fixings of my own, I have been quite perplexed. Everything that I thought that Christmas was, is not for me! No christmas tree, no presents, no home to decorate, etc... So, I must say that when Oliver Springs received this snowfall (measured in one spot at 6 " and counting) I was ecstatic! I threw open the curtains, made some hot chocolate and lit a candle. After all, this is what makes it all worth it. The snow was beautiful, and the way it fell on the farm land, oh how magnificent. Who needs a house full of decorations when you have acres of snow on the ground.

But, this euphoria ended real fast when David and I had to make a trip to Athens, and the amount of snowfall they had received was well non existent. We had driven through about 45 min of snow only to drive about 15 more min with the beautiful view of nothing! No snow anywhere. Unlike the melting snow, my heart began to get heavier and heavier, colder and colder, for I was not ready to leave the snow. I told David that I was so surprised, but I was really having a hard time with our absence from the snow.

It seems this Christmas, everything that has always meant so much to be has been stripped away, but by God's grace there is more to this story. Although this is hard for me today, I can rest thankful to my God for rooting out these faux joys. These things, which do certainly help us look to Christ, do not in themselves satisfy me! The thing that gives me my fill is Christ, that he came as promised by God, lived a sinless life, and took God's wrath that was meant for me upon him! By His wounds I am healed.

So, this Christmas, I do not rejoice in the fact that I have a home to celebrate Christmas in, or that I have a christmas tree, or have drank my share of hot chocolate! By no means!! For if I gave any of these things a place in my life, they would always fall short of giving me joy!

I rejoice in my Lord and Savior! I rejoice that God promised a Messiah and that he has come!!!

" But you, O Bethlehem Ephrathah,

who are too little to be among the clans of Judah,

from you shall come forth for me

one who is to be ruler in Israel,

whose coming forth is from of old,

from ancient days.

Therefore he shall give them up until the time

when she who is in labor has given birth;

then the rest of his brothers shall return

to the people of Israel.

And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the LORD,

in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God.

And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great

to the ends of the earth.

And he shall be their peace..."

I am also thankful for God's grace in my life through my church. God has used them to really helped me look towards Christ this Christmas!

Words from a Dear Friend on this Holiday Season

This is a response from a sweet friend about her views on this season... David and I are in awe of God's grace in this sweet family and love just watching them all interact!!! I wanted to post this because I love the way she views the season!! Very Helpful for us!!

"Well...to start with...I don't like seeing Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving!! I think that's a real revealer of what's important in our country...STUFF...MONEY...MORE STUFF...MORE MONEY... I enjoy the advent season leading up to Christmas because it's such a great time of preparation and examination. Preparation for celebrating the birth of our Savior and examination of my heart...asking the Lord to show me where I'm not treasuring Christ more than (fill in the blank). I enjoy decorating our house...and hopefully it's tasteful and inviting. We don't do the whole Santa Claus thing...and didn't with our children. However, when our kids were home we did tend to go over-the-top with gifts...not a good thing. God has been so gracious to redeem us and redirect our hearts, though. So, our focus is more on worshiping Jesus than accumulating things. We have always gone to a Christmas Eve service, which is a highlight for me. That's why I'm so thankful that CCK will be having a Christmas Eve service this year!!! I didn't really appreciate establishing traditions when our children were young. Now that I do...I find I'm more excited about the season of Thanksgiving and the preparation and anticipation of Christmas. So, this year we're starting a new tradition (shhhh...don't tell...it's a secret to our kids) called advent baskets...which will include an advent calendar. So...starting with December 1st and ending on December 25th, they will open one small gift each day from their baskets and in each day on their advent calendar will be an attribute of God for them to ponder and meditate on. Hopefully, this will help all of our hearts remain fixed on the amazing truth of the gospel...that God gave us Jesus...and there's no more precious gift than Jesus!!! I'll look forward to reading your "conclusion"!!"

DITL

So, I guess I will do my DITL although it is not that interesting!!!

5:00 alarm goes off

5:15 David gets up and gets dressed while I get up and clean his coffee press out(sometimes with a bad attitude, sometimes not) (sometimes I hang out with him while he gets ready for the day).

5:30 David reads the word in the bedroom while I go back to sleep.

6:00 We say our goodbyes for the day, and I head back to sleep until 8:30 and sometimes 9:00.

8:30-9:00 I slowly wake up and realize my bladder is about to bust, and then little bit kicks and I run to the bathroom!

9:00 Make breakfast (egg on a piece of toast with either OJ or milk everyday). I sit on the couch with my breakfast open the computer and check gmail and facebook. Then I read my ESV online and journal about it. After this, my schedule is pretty much anything goes. Let's just say I incubate for little bit!

11:15 David and I video chat for about 30 min while he eats his lunch!!!

11:45 Do a little more incubation!

2:00 or 3:00 I get up and get ready for the day/hubby.

4:30 David gets home and either I have made dinner or we cook it together.

6:00-9:00 We have started playing cards lately, but during this time we also hang out, watch tv, and get David ready for the next day.

9:00 We get to bed and read a little bit. Lately David has been reading Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and Humility by C.J Mahaney, and I have been reading Baby Wise.

Sometime between then David turns off the light and immediately somehow falls to sleep, I have a million things running in my head, so I usually accidentally wake him up talking to him. I don't realize he is already asleep!! This happens about 3 times a week.

9:00pm-5:00 I toss and turn, use the restroom about 6 times, try many different ways to sleep and snuggle to my hubby!!!

What a perfect life!!!

A promise for the unborn!

Something I have been clinging to today:

I have been a tiny bit sick this week, and it has revealed some fears that I have in my heart. You see, pregnancy is so crazy because other than the responsibility to be healthy, you have no responsibility at all to grow or keep your baby! I do not know how she is doing! I can't tell if she is ok! I have no idea. What I have been really trying to cling to this morning is Ps. 139

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16 ESV)

This truth keeps me grounded in the midst of my fearful and distrusting heart! God knows my baby girl and is keeping her! I am so thankful that God has given me this truth that I can cling to and trust in uncertain times!

A turkey day unlike any other

This Thanksgiving is not one that my family would have suspected. You see, the way my family does Turkey Day is well sort of a blow out! My family is so close, and we are so crazy. We always have so much fun when we get together, oh and the food... I imagine God may well in fact ask my family to cook for the banquet he is preparing for us.

This Thanksgiving, however, is proving to be one of epic proportions. My Aunt's house is in the middle of demolition from the crazy flood Nashville had, and if any knows what it is like to not be able to live in your own house, I know you can sympathize. My mom has just had surgery to remove some cancer on her face, which isn't all that bad except that she has to have reconstructive surgery the day before Thanksgiving, and she is also having a hard time with the possible outcome. Who wouldn't have a hard time with a chunk of skin taken out of your face!? And last but not least, my grandmother, the matriarch, the tribal leader, our great wall of China, our solidity has just found out that she has breast cancer that is also in the lymph nods.

This Thanksgiving, my family will be shaken. We will not have the food that we have always had, we will not have the participation that we love so much, a lot of us will be stuck on the couch while others around us are forced to do our beckoning, but my friend, in the midst of these trials, in the midst of pain, we will rise and say this. Thanksgiving is not about food at all, it is not about games, or parades, or feelings, Thanksgiving is about turning our minds away from earthly things and looking to God our Father. The Father who has set all things before Him (Col 1:16,17). The God who has authored our days (Heb 12:2). He promises that he conforms everything to the purpose of His will (Eph 1:11). He promises that He does good to us every moment! "No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly! (Ps 84:11)" God makes our lot secure (Ps 16:5). He promises he has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

This Thanksgiving, we can be thankful for our circumstances! We can be thankful for them because God is good to us every moment of every day! This is the day that the Lord has made! Weeping may tarry for the night, but JOY comes in the morning! Let us have faith that God is working in the midst of these trials, to bring us into a hope that will not disappoint. GOD IS GOOD!

What are your views on this season?

So talking to my husband this week, I realized that some views I had on Christmas and this season needed to be transformed. We spent a little time last night thinking through a few of my thoughts about it. He was so helpful, and I am now just trying to let God define my thoughts on this subject. I am just curious as to what you believe about celebrating Christmas and ALL the festivities with your family (i.e. decorating, music, santa, etc...). Let me know what you think!!! I will write my conclusion in a week or so!

Psalm 16

So I have only been up for about 15 min now, but I can already list all of the things that have gone wrong. I must admit I have a strong desire to list them all out as to some how get pity from you.

I shall not do that for there I will not find repentance, and there I will not find true joy.

True joy is found in the cross. And in Ps 16 we clearly see God's mercy on us!

This season my circumstances have been far from what I could have ever imagined where I would be at this point in my life. David and I have dreamed many dreams of something different for us. We have a tendency to think our circumstances, if only changed, would make our hearts joyful, loving, happy.

This, my friend, is by far the farthest thing from the truth. As I read in Ps 16, God instructs my heart to take refuge in Him because I can not find anything good that is apart from him. This means that God is the author of my circumstances, and though I try to change my circumstances, though I try to chose something different for me, God is saying to me and to my circumstances, THIS IS GOOD!

The psalmist continues by telling us that he chooses the Lord. He is saying the he chooses what God has for him, and he calls it pleasant. I can't imagine calling my circumstances that I do not like pleasant! I can't imagine being thankful and seeing that God is pouring His grace on me through these hard times. The psalmist even rejoices to this fact. Lord give me the strength and grace to rejoice in the midst of my circumstance, that you are good to me and this season is a pleasant one because you love me.

The psalmist adds that God makes known to him the path of life. This season of my life, regardless of how it feels, is God revealing the path of life to me! Only in Him will I find joy! I will not find joy when my circumstances change, I will not find pleasure in what I think is best for me. Pleasure is found only in God and what he authors for my life.

GOD IS GOOD AND IS GOOD TO ME! Therefore, let me rejoice in my circumstances for God does not let me go, or abandon my soul! What a beautiful inheritance this is, to walk the path of life that God has laid out for me!!!

So, Lord I do repent from believing that my ways are better than yours. I confess that I think that only if things change the way I want them to, there I will find fullness of joy. This is a lie, and I turn from this and ask you to help me believe and see true joy in you ALONE! Help me to love people that I don't want to love, help me to trust your plan for my life!! Thank you for doing me good all the days of my life! Every moment!

Read Ps 16 here!

Pregnancy Update!

Just a quick little update:

I am now 8 weeks pregnant! Happy Birthday little Ogle fetus!!! I have been pretty sick, with the all day, every moment, relentless, more than the morning, morning sickness!!! But, I must say that God has been great because:

We are at my mom's and she has really been helping us out buying me food (all types of food), letting us lounge around the house all day, and just really caring for David and I!

My husband has been so helpful and lovable! Long hour back rubs!!!! Oh yeah!!!

Although I am eating very unhealthy (bc not a lot sounds good), I have been able to eat and drink and take all my meds!!!

Although I have been a little discouraged because of being sick, God has been giving us little refreshers along the way!!! Today, I actually got up and went to Cracker Barrel!!!

Thanks for the prayers!!

What should our baby name be?

Ok, so one tired pup and three pregnancy tests later, it is official!!! WE ARE PREGNANT!

So, what should our names be for a boy or girl? Give us some suggestions. We love weird, totally unique and hippy names!!! Go for it, let's hear it!!!!

A Hormonal Heart-to-Heart!!!

Get ready ladies... What I am about to share with you is the inevitable, predictable, never-ending most annoying PMS. Oh yes... This week, I must confess I have been overwhelmingly angry!!! My emotions have been like a ticking time bomb! At any moment anything that doesn't meet my expectation is met with rage in my heart! My poor husband has been trying to endure this illness of mine (if I can call it that). He has been so kind to forgive and overlook! But, for me, this is not the case!

I woke up this morning so thankful and happy to be with my husband, but at the same time, I could feel my heart growing cold. I started praying right away (or not so right away), that the Lord would help me love today! I must admit that sweet victory comes right now only in that I have been rescued from my sin (more on that to come).

But, I want to share with you a few things that I myself need to hear!

1. Don't take your temp!

"On a normal day we should be careful not to spend excessive time analyzing our feelings. But on a PMS day, such self-examination is most unhelpful. If we try to “take our spiritual temperature” when our hormones are raging, the reading will most certainly be inaccurate. And we run the risk of compounding our discouragement and despair." Girl Talk Blog

2. Be wise and Pray

I got the helpful hint that I need to start keeping track of my monthly cycle so that I can ready myself for this difficult time! I began this morning asking God to help me in this!!!

"Proverbs 22:3: “The prudent [woman] sees danger and hides [herself], but the simple [women] go on and suffer for it.”

3. You are not alone

"THIS IS NORMAL." Yes, it’s common. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13:“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.” These hormonal challenges are a temptation—not an excuse to sin, mind you—but a significant temptation to be sure. And we are not alone in this struggle...The Lord allows this and He will grant all of the grace needed to endure. In fact, that’s exactly what 1 Corinthians 10:13 goes on to promise: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” Our Lord does not stick us in the middle of hormonal craziness and leave us alone to find our way out of the maze. No, He graciously provides a way of escape so we can endure it. He provides a way of escape so we can rejoice in Him (even when it’s the last thing we feel like doing). " Girl Talk Blog

4. Truth is not an emotional stimulus!

"“Avoid the mistake of concentrating overmuch on your feelings...Above all, avoid the terrible error of making them central. If you put them there you are of necessity doomed to be unhappy because you are not following the order that God himself has ordained...After all, what we have in the Bible is Truth; it is not an emotional stimulus, it is not something primarily concerned to give us a joyful experience. It is primarily Truth, and Truth is addressed to the mind, God’s supreme gift to man; and it is as we apprehend and submit ourselves to truth that the feelings follow.” D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

5. WE ARE RESCUED!!!

Rejoice for God has rescued us from a life where sin reigns free! Because Christ, who had no sin, became sin our behalf, died in our place, took God's wrath that was meant for us to punish our sin! Christ died in our place! He took my sin on him! "Now, all I know is grace!" Now, even in my weakest moment, even in my darkest hour, God is working in my life for my good and his glory. God is not punishing me! God is not tempting me! He is growing me! Sanctifying me! Loving me! Now, PMS, which was a tool for my own desires, to murder and hate, God is using to grow me to love, to humble me to depend on him! What grace was given to me that I may know God! That I may experience victory! That I may love, when others hate! That I may be wise!

I hope this encourages you to fight! I hope you find yourself ready for battle and encouraged in faith!!!

Come With Me, Together We can Take the Long Way Home

"Come with me, together we can take the long way home" are not just lyrics in the Norah Jones song "The Long Way Home," but there, hidden beneath the notes and lyrics is something waiting to break from the pages. My song!

I have so much to say that has been happening in our lives, some things have been revealing God's goodness and others have been showing us that we need to depend on him for grace to get through it!!

In the book "Relationships, a mess worth making," the author states, "Every painful thing we experience in relationships is meant to remind us of our need for him. And every good thing we experience is meant to be a metaphor of what we can only find in him."

This past year was a really hard season for my husband and I. We had trials, arguments, pain and suffering! Through the pain, God was so faithful and kind to reveal our sin and his love for us. His provision through this roller-coster has been so evident, and I tremble at the thought of how much he loves me!

This season, however short as it may be, has been so relaxing and enjoyable. Just to give you a little background, my husband is a teacher, he just got a job in Athens Tn, (or is in the process of getting), where he will be working for a boss that has the same vision and goals as we do! The city of Athens is what we are looking for, and we are so excited to see what God has in store next year for us!!

In the meantime, however, since David is a teacher, and it is the summer, we have been living in Cookeville and just basically spending time with each other. We have gotten to hang out with old friends and watch one full season of Lost. Silly as it may be, we have been relishing this time and holding tightly to every moment!!!

I can most confidently say that I know what it means to be brought low and I know what it means to abound. I know that whatever my season may be, I am called to depend on Christ alone and not myself. Deut 8 says:

Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you...

¹⁰ When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. ¹¹ Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. ¹² Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, ¹⁴ then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. ¹⁶ He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." ¹⁸ But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.

What this means is that no matter my season of life, whether it is ridiculously hard or a fruitful season abounding with the most delectable fruit, God is working. He is always working good for me, and always pouring his kindness on me!

So, like the song lyrics, I do feel I am taking the long way home, that David and I are far from finding out where we need to be, but regardless of the terrain, my goal is Christ!

"So we make it our aim to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."

Thank Christ for his provision of atonement on the cross. He was perfect, yet took the wrath reserved for me! Not because of anything that I did, but because of his great mercy he was punished in my place!!!

Ode to the Supermarket and the man with the magazine!

So, there I was on isle seven, and all of the sudden I realized it...I had not brushed my teeth! Oh no, I thought to myself, as I began to hold my breath as people pushed by me. And, then, it happened once again. Oh no, I forgot to put deodorant on. How swiftly people were walking by me now. Do I smell that bad? Can they smell me at all? I know all of these things were just my vain imaginings, and no one really could tell that I was so unkempt. But, I knew.

As I was making my way around the supermarket, my mind ever fixed on hygiene, I noticed a man walking into the bathroom with a store copy of a magazine. One that he would probably put back, and one that you or I have probably picked up before. GROSS! I suddenly had a feeling overtaking me, EWWW! I kept replaying this picture in my mind. Flee, I told myself. Run away, far far away!!!

So, as I continued to pass over each isle, I realized something that brightened my grocery task! First, let me preface by sharing that I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This basically means that my hormones are out of whack. I am trying to regulate my hormones naturally, thus pruning every yummy food out of my diet. Let me break this down for all you high fructose corn syrup lovers (which I am one of)... I can't have any prepackaged or canned foods, which basically covers 80% of the store. Although, my new eating habits have been hard to grasp and a mountain to get over. I realized in that moment of passing isle after isle, goodness after sweet yummy goodness, that my life had gotten a little simpler. Yes, this is true. Other than the occasional snack grab, I am blessed to have to pass over isle after isle after isle!

My supermarket route usually starts in the dairy section, continues with the meat, and ends at the produce! No more getting lost in between! So here's to you, PCOS, oh how simple you make life!

Then, after about thirty minutes and much cell phone deliberation between my whole family about where a certain hot sauce was, we realized the certain type we were looking for was in Louisiana. Not in the supermarket isle 9 where I had been looking for the past half hour!

So, there I am. I find myself at the check out counter, finally. My mom recently sent me $100 gift card in the mail. It was neat to find out that my bill was $101.22 But, this meant that I needed to write a check for $1.22 I just handed the cashier the check and let them type its amount. So, the guy hands me back the check. I reach for it. He has a firm grip on it. So, I reach for it again. After a few minutes of playing this game, he said, "I am showing you how much the check is for." SO, then, I said, "Ok" And reached for it again. And, thus, once again, the game began. "What the heck is going on," I thought to myself. He then, so patiently explained, after he ripped the check out from my hands, "no, I am just showing you the amount." Not that he ever told me that he was keeping the check, but I realized once he snagged it from me and put it away, what he was trying to say.

My conclusion is this... Supermarketing is a task, one that reveals sin, and one that is in need of grace!! So, as you go on your way, know this my dear friends... "For He was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray. Each of us has turned to his own way, and The Lord has placed on Him the iniquity of us all."

Being wise at home

So, this morning as I sat on the floor with papers scattered about trying to file our life into categories; electric bills, pay check stubs, doctor bills and so on, I found myself stuck in an abyss of TV. I normally don't watch TV during the day, other than the occasional lunch time "What not to Wear". Today, though, I decided to indulge myself while I was filing papers, as if it counteracted the indulgence somehow.

So, my conclusion from today: TV= the world wrapped up in a box. If you want a big dose of the world, just find your remote, turn it on and watch!

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to throw away your TV. I will still watch it, and one of my husband and my favorite things to do is watch a good show together!

I am asking you to reevaluate this; Are you building your house or tearing it down? Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her hands tears it down."

What kind of house are you building? One of serving, love, humility...? Or one of self indulgence, self-pity, anger... The things we allow to pour into our minds will either build or tear down. There is nothing in the middle, nothing that is neutral!

I don't think God calls us to be so legalistic or condemned, but I do think this is something to question, something to think about, and, also an opportunity to practice grace when we fall short. An opportunity for the gospel!! For in the gospel we see ourselves there amongst the world, living foolishly disobedient lives. But, God in his mercy saved us, called us blameless! God says, "Not that you chose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you may Go!" God chose me while I was still an enemy of him! Now, I am called to take this gospel to the foolish and disobedient world!

#1 from Femininity Conference

Girl Time!!!!! That is right! This weekend, women gathered from all around to here an excellent author/speaker, Carolyn McCulley! What a treat for us women, and I want you to be able to indulge as well! This week, I want to share a few truths that were so encouraging for me this weekend!

So, here goes #1:

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that He exists, and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

That is a familiar scripture memory verse right? Well, I must admit that although I knew that verse, I don't think I truly understood the last phrase until she explained it. She said, "Do you really believe that God will reward you?"

Now, let me clarify, for all you skeptical women out there. I don't think she was intending, nor do I think the verse is saying that God will reward us with whatever we desire, and it is not saying that these rewards are self indulgent adding to our thrills in life.

I do, however, think that this reward God is speaking of is the reward that he will fulfill his promises, that he will act as he said he would. "God is not man that he should lie, nor son of man that he should change his mind. Does he speak and not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" How I apply this is simple... In those moments where David and I are in conflict, and I think that by nagging him, he will learn his lesson or I will get my way, this is by no means biblical and by no means will it produce the fruit that I desire.

If, however, I am quiet and gentle with him, with all submissiveness, having hope in God, obeying God, my obedience (given from God) will produce fruit. God will act on my behalf. Not that I will receive what I want, but God will reward me, he will produce in me or David the character that reflects his glory!

So, maybe I could break it down by saying that God rewards a heart of obedience with a fruitful life! God will reward me.

Here is another example: David decided to tell his administration that he did not want to coach next year. He felt God leading him in that decision due to the lack of time for family he had while coaching. So, David stepped out in faith. He was not rehired, due to this choice, but, we have hope that God will reward his decision. God promises he will provide! We believe God and who he says he is! He will provide for us! He is Sovereign.

"...according to the plan of Him who works out EVERYTHING in conformity to the purpose of HIS will!" Eph 1:11

My little friend, oh how cute!!!

I just have to share with you something that makes me soo happy!!! This is a fantastic woman and to see her little preggo self makes my heart melt!!!!

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward."

Cultivating a heart of thankfulness

So they stuck me in the dryer, closed the door and turned it on! At least that is what I feel like. I have been through the ringer, and I am back to report, "GOD IS GOOD!"

Ok, let me get you caught up with a play by play. Diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Took medicine to correct it. The medicine made me sick for about six days. Questioned God's love for me. Took the natural route and gave up every thing tasty in my life (only to find better tasting food that I never knew about) and started exercising everyday, All in the meantime I was eaten up with bitterness, anger, a complaining heart and pride!!!!

I recently listened to a talk, which you can find here under the Newly Married Seminar. It was great for my marriage, but something more interesting, it was great for my walk with Christ. I realized I have been going through these last eight months with the biggest chip on my shoulder, which if I still had, I would probably try to eat it because of the lack there of in my diet. My life was filled moment by moment with complaints, anger and bitterness. My husband was having a hard time dealing with it, as well as everyone else around me, I am sure. He encouraged me to really get in the word as well as talking through my sin many nights trying to help me figure out what was going on!!! I am so thankful for him. I also remember thinking that I was just depressed, and that all of my new friends really hadn't even seen the real me.

So, as I listened to this talk, I was flooded with conviction of my deserving mentality. This was the root of it all. I felt like I didn't deserve what I was getting, whether it was from God, my husband or my circumstance (which is ultimately from God). So, when I felt I was deserving of something more, I would respond with the faithful fruit of bitterness, or anger and most of the time on top of those, complaints. What is the truth? The truth is that I do deserve Hell. "For the wages of sin is death." God says, "For all have sinned and fallen short." Therefor, I must conclude, I DESERVE HELL AND NOTHING LESS!!!!

We must understand this if Christ is to change our life. To turn from our ways and to trust him as our Lord and Savior, "For He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray each of us have turned to his own way, but the Lord has placed on him the iniquity of us all!" Praise God for HIS salvation.

We must understand that for salvation, but I believe also, we must live by this as well. Live every minute knowing that God gave us a gift, and we deserve Hell. I wasn't living by this. I was living in light of myself and what I wanted and felt I deserved. This was a lie. God also says, "Flee the evil desires of youth (for me a deserving mentality) and pursue righteousness, faith love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart!"

I know that I have learned many things in this season of life, but I think this one is different. This is the root of all of my bad fruit!!! I also believe that it is a discipline to give up your deserving mentality. There are many times during the day I have to practically say, "It is ok that this isn't the way I want it, I deserve Hell." "Let us run the race with endurance." It is hard and a discipline, but we must!!!!

So, wherever your season us, whether it be a crying baby (or two), a sick pregnancy, pilled high with homework, at home, without a home, looking for a home, stuck under a pile of clothes...etc, know that God has graciously given you life!!! This will produce a heart of thankfulness and love for others!!!!

On a side note: You know it is funny, as I wrote the title of this post "Cultivating a heart of thankfulness, I remember that I posted a question some time ago, "How do you cultivate a heart of thankfulness." I didn't have this heart and wanted some thoughts!!! How kind of God to help me understand this!!!!

Free Printable Resources

Check out some free printable resources for organization here!

Ode to David on our 2 year!

This is our two year anniversary,

oh how happy it makes me.

For we met and fell in love,

Oh the prince you are to me!

You are so handsome,

you do not know!

Sometimes I think your face,

it glows!

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu,

It makes me sing,

to see them tap

because you're the king!

I love your humor

it makes me laugh

Without it I'd be

lost on this path.

Wise you are

in so many ways.

Is amazes me all the

things you say!!!

With wisdom,

insight is so dear,

how do you know

my every fear?!

I love when small

things make you smile.

I love when we

just sit awhile!

Your leadership

I must exclaim,

God's gift to you,

his glory your aim!

The best teacher

for a thousand miles.

What one would give

for you to teach their child!

You give me grace!

I don't deserve!

You show Christ to me,

all these lessons learned!

I stand in awe

I stand in whoa!

So thankful that

you are my little Bilbo!!

God made me female!!!

I just wanted to post a response that a friend had to my fear of feeling manly because of my high testosterone levels.

"My thought was that u r female bc God made u so. It is not your hormones that make u feminine, but it is fearing God, submitting to David, developing a gentle and quiet spirit... the world says hormones make u feminine we know differently..."

Wow, although I know this, it was so refreshing to hear. So, I ask you...

1. What lie are you believing that is causing you to view your "hormone" as your worth? / What is your "hormone?" (outward beauty, how many babies you can have or when, how many chores you get done during the day, how much energy you have, the obedience of your child, etc).

2. How do you find your worth in Christ when you see yourself struggling with this? How do you bring this lie back to the gospel/ how can you apply the gospel to your worth?

3. Do you recognize this lie even when you are excelling in it?

4. What verse have you memorized on God's view of you?

I keep coming back to this verse: "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshipped created things rather than their creator!"

Also "Your beauty should be... that of your inner-self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, for this is the way, the holy women of the past who put their hope in God made themselves beautiful!!"

I will not go quietly into the night!

Typically, most Americans wake up to their alarm and the sound of birds chirping outside their window, and typically this is routine for me as well. Not today, for I was awakened with the sound of a phone ringing, and no birds were to be found, for that sound was replaced by my doctor saying ever to casually, "Katie, your testosterone levels are high."

"What!" My heart exclaimed, "I am turning into a man?"

Thanks to being a woman, many emotions flooded my head as well as an uncertain inspection of my body, "Do I have hair on my face? Do I have a low voice? Do I look like a man"

"This disease" that I have now been diagnosed with is called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. What this basically means is that I have an endocrine disorder or hormonal imbalance that causes infertility, unwanted hair growth, ovarian cysts, obesity and well that pretty much wraps it up in my book. So with the thought of turning into a man, you can see the distress this caused me. I decided to protest PSOC and pluck every unwanted hair on my face and wear a dress today! I will not go quietly into the night!

But I must also say that my heart and emotions I was having could not be plucked or disguised! I had to get away and spend some time in the Word to figure out my heart, to give me some relief! As I approached this oversized hill of doubt, I began to journal. I listed my fears:

• The reality of having a baby is getting further and further away from me, like a ship on the ocean drifting further and further away until it is no more!
• I am turning into a man.
• Why is God adding this to my plate? Doesn't he see I am already having such a hard time in this season!
• Is he punishing me?

These questions resounded in my head, but God was so kind to reveal his character. I can only do Him justice by sharing these verses: PLEASE READ!

"He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water."

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

""For the Lord will not cast off forever, but though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love."

"Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked?"

Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways!

"²And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. ³And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. ⁵Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the LORD your God disciplines you. ⁶So you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him. ⁷For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, ⁸a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive trees and honey, ⁹a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. ¹⁰And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you."

I see now that I need to trust God's word and his character! I don't think that I can truly "see" how God has been good in my life. But, I think that is ok! I think this is faith! "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Sometimes right now I can't see any evidence of God's goodness, but I can trust that he is good! God delights in this!

How do I grow my heart to trust him? "How can they call on him whom they have not believed, and how can they believe if they have not heard?" God calls me to find his character in his word! I desire to cling to the word, to his character!

So what is God's character? God is completely Sovereign, infinite in wisdom and perfect in love! (From Trusting God even when life hurts by:Jerry Bridges). In the word, we find an adequate view of God's character. This is why it is so important for me to BE IN THE WORD.

I hope this post finds you in a place where you don't question God's goodness, but if you do, I pray God gives you faith to believe his goodness when it's not insight! Paul pleaded three times with God to take away his thorn before he realized God's character and that his grace was sufficient. Call to him! He will answer! He is good in your life! I heard a quote one time, "If I truly believe that all things work out for good, I must believe in a sense that all things are good for me! (something like that)"

I leave you with this "No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly!"

My mom is a published author!

So I have to do it!!! I have to boast! My mom is a published author with a book right smack dab in the middle aisle of Books A Million!!! I am so proud! I feel like I know a celebrity! I do!! She is so cool!

For Leigh-Allyn

(My friend just died from Cystic Fibrosis, so I wanted to write a poem for her!!!)

For Leigh-Allyn

A little body so tough, so courageous,

your life, can only echo through the ages.

To some this battle might seem lost,

Your life written to count the cost.

They raise their fists, they don't know,

It was Christ's love you came to show.

God above is good indeed,

For it was His mercy he set you free!

It was your body we could not own,

He has called you, thence and made your home!

Ever alas you live in peace!

Not life, but death, your trials released!

For death is gain, and you do see now,

at His feet you lay your crowns!

Present with the King, and not with us,

Now we know, and this we do trust.

You did not have your wedding day here,

but only that could have been mirror.

YOUR GROOM! YOUR GROOM! he stands alas,

at the alter as you pass!

You walk down the aisle to meet him there!

Oh how beautiful, the two in pair!

Spotless bride, he called you home,

You praise his name, bow at his thrown!

I stand in wonder of where you are,

I can't imagine life beyond the stars!

One day soon we will meet with you,

we'll get to see your new body, too!

But dear child, I must exclaim,

as we share and speak your name.

You're not the one we strive to know.

Injustice that would be, for all you showed!

Showed us Christ, you did indeed,

so now on earth we can be free!

Your life was lived, not in vain,

Share it we will, to speak his name!

And as you stand among the son,

we remember you, the life you won!!!

No loss is here, only victory shouts!

For this one thing we do not doubt!

Lacy's Little

Lacy's Little:

Oh precious child, I can't wait to see.

For you little one I am waiting to meet.

Your mom and I have been best of friends,

in my heart there's a place for you to begin.

Once you are born, we will all rejoice.

The heavens and the earth, one resounding voice.

The love for you will always be,

ever near and dear to me.

I pray you a life to become,

one that bows before the son!

May your life be full of grace,

one that reflects our Lord's great face.

And, I pray dear child as you go,

your pursuits, your trials may be not home.

But look on you, to a higher place,

For our Lord and King deserves our praise.

I AM NOT PREGNANT!!

So, for all of you married women out there, you will probably relate, and to the unmarried... this might be very comical to read.

Ok, so we are going way back to about a year and a half ago. David and I had been married for half a year, and I had my first pregnancy scare. Ever since then, there has been something in my heart yearning for a child. I think it is safe to assume that I have taken at least 15 pregnancy tests; that is about $225 (embarrassing) dollars. Pour David! I told him last night that by the time you add up the money that it has cost us to buy these tests, we could have afforded a child. This month alone I have "peed on 4 sticks" as David calls it. (P.S. I am headed to the doctor in a week to make sure everything else is ok.)

I have now come to terms that instead of the 28 day normalcy, I am 35 days or longer. Right now I am on 43 days. Before this realization, every month, I thought I was pregnant. You can imagine what this has done to my heart! It has been a roller coaster, only to take a down fall after the excitement of every high!

My dear friend shared with me the story of Hannah, and after nibbling on it for awhile, I wanted to share with you:

Elkanah was a man who had two wives... Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had many children, Hannah had none. Peninnah basically tortured Hannah by teasing her that she Hannah no children, and Peninnah herself had an abundance. What did Hannah do with this? It says she worshiped the Lord, and it said that she, "...poured out her soul before the Lord."

So, let's break it down:

Peninnah's heart: Prideful

Peninnah's fruit: Teased Hannah, wasn't grateful, lacked fellowship (because she viewed Hannah as "her rival"

Hannah's heart: Humble

Hannah's fruit: Asked God, Trusted God, Truthful/Poured out her soul to the Lord, Had fellowship (with her husband as well as Eli), and eventually had a child.

My application: How kind of God to mold my heart to depend on him for children.

It is not David's fault I am not pregnant. God is leading David, and God has called me to submit to David no matter the circumstance (unless blatant sin)! Submission is not a matter of choice, but obedience, regardless! It says in 1 Sam that God had closed up Hannah's womb. I must see that it is God who has closed up my womb and not David.

It is ok for me to pour out my soul before the Lord! It is ok to weep! God hears and understands me! Children are a great thing! They are a heritage! And it is something for a woman to have children!!!! So cry out!

I want to be the woman who trusts God, not the woman who is at war with other women, David or God!

So, I am not pregnant... Now will I be for awhile (unless God). But, I know in this time, God has called me to trust Him! He is sovereign and knows what's best for me! He is leading David! A humble heart will produce humble fruit!

² Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deut 8:2-3

[Taken from I Sam 1:1-20] To be continued...

God=Good

Now, I shall attempt to proclaim the goodness of the Lord, in whom my life is constantly being refreshed and encouraged daily. For one week there has been a perpetual plight for me. For this whole week, my heart has been like a raging sea swelling up against the Lord in anger. Doubt rose like the morning sun, "Why?" "Don't you love me?" "Don't you hear me?" "Aren't you good, at all?"

So, as I sat this Sunday at the breakfast table, I began to ask David questions. Elementary as they were, God used them to reveal a misguided thinking in my life. I felt God was at war against me, because I was viewing my life as 80% bad and 20 % good. As I began to weigh everything in my mind, it all added up to this: Bad>Good=Therefore God is not good. This, my friend, could not be farther from the truth! Think of it like a bar graph. It seemed to me there was a bar of 80% bad and a bar that went up to 20% that was good. But, this is the reality: God=Good. There is not two different bars in the graph, there is just one, and it is three-d. And one side, the limited side, I can only see. But, God can see the whole graph. I can not charge God with having limited sight and me unlimited; I cannot say that this situation is bad and that God does not understand . He sees everything, he knows everything, AND HE IS GOOD. This is not bad what is happening to me, but good! I am so limited in my knowledge that I must trust and rely on God's knowledge. I say again, Anxiousness is rooted in unbelief, and unbelief in the ignorance of who God is! I must know that God knows everything, can accomplish anything, and that he is in control of everything. Standing on these bases will aid my heart!

Also, let me say that at this time, God has revealed many things to me that I believed would "fix" my problem, but when they didn't, I felt like I failed. A few for example: I need to confess more, I need to give more, I need to whatever it is. These things are all good, but I cannot use them as a ladder to get to God. I think one problem I had was that every time God would reveal something to me, I would think, "Oh this is it, this is my problem. This will make everything better." Then I would go and try to fix my life; these things were not fixing my problem. Nothing was! This is because God has me here! He has me here for my good. I can't work my way out of this! I may not ever know why God has me here, or maybe I will find out tomorrow, or maybe a year from now, but what I know today is that God is good and is working all things out for my good! Hark, raise your trumpet with me friend! Let us yell with our lives that God is good! The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger. --Elisabeth Elliot

VERBAL VOMIT!!!

This will be a long and verbally intensive post. Maybe you won't read it, and that is ok, but I must, I am compelled, I am in need of some verbal purging. Maybe you will give up before the end, and my friend, that is ok too, I just pray that anything I say may be of some service to you! I pray God will impart grace to you as you read this post, for in it is the depth of my heart, a sinful and corrupt sort of thing:

So, these past four days have been probably one of the toughest thickets I have had to tear my way through. As most of you know, David and I are living with David's parents and have been for the past five months. Let me first of all, for my sanity's sake share that these two people are very sweet, giving and oh so loving! They have been amazing in our time of need, a great example of Christ and they have taken us in, and "given us food."

So, my reckoning is not with them; however, I am compelled to do so due to the abundance of my sinful heart and it's ever outpouring of sin against them. My fruit must be dealt with, but more than that, my soul.

I have had many different stages of perspective over the past months, some good, some evil. But, I must say that I have never come to a point in all this where I have questioned God's faithfulness and goodness... Until Sunday. Oh yes, my dear friend, after a phone call that revealed David's job might be in question and the thought of going back to a place that is not our own, the depths of my heart were eager to question God. With an outpouring of tears that seem to come from the very pit of my stomach, my fists rose up in rally against God. The very words to my husband, "I just don't feel like God is being good to us!"

These words, with a few others to question my Lord, have resounded in my head and heart over the past few days. I have turned to food (chocolate), man (my husband), world (tv), sleeping, bitterness and much more to comfort my soul in this time. I told my husband, I wake and feel as if there is no hope in sight.

With the lie that these things actually can give my soul comfort, I fall, broken and afraid before my Lord.

God, however will not keep me there, for Christ stands in the gap of my ignorance.

Anxiousness, worry, fear, anger... all of these are rooted in unbelief, and unbelief is rooted in the ignorance of God! And, even though I have know strength to give, God is giving me his grace in many ways... The words of a dear friend, "I am aware that god greatly wants to comfort you bc my mind is flooded with scripture for YOU! ~Psalm 57 " I cry out to God most high, who will fulfill his purpose for me!"

~" God is our refuge and help a very present help in trouble"

Also, God has been giving me scripture as well. When I want to turn to TV, I keep reminding myself, "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on this law he meditates day and night." I know that watching most TV, it will only feed sin, but reading scripture and books, my soul is fed.

This morning, I wanted to feel related to, so I read Psalm 13

"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

It is funny, because as I read this verse, I felt so understood, so related to! But then, I got to the last verses, and realized, these verses are what David and I memorized a month ago that were so helpful to me. I don't think at the time I realized this verse was in the context of the Psalmist crying out to God... How sweet for God to open my eyes to his word! That, when it is easy, God has dealt bountifully with me, when it is hard God has dealt bountifully with me, but even now, when it is ridiculously hard and I don't feel like believing God is good, HE IS STILL DEALING BOUNTIFULLY WITH ME!!!

I must say that the thought of this doesn't make me want to go run and clean the whole house, and it doesn't make me want to fix dinner, or give up chocolate, but it does bring me comfort, and I think that knowing who God is will bring about fruit.

God, grant me the grace to believe your character, that you may produce a life of fruitful obedience.

75lbs in a year!!!

Ok so I wanted to keep up my question "How do you cultivate a thankful heart" from my last post for a while, because I really really would love some thoughts... But, I could not pass up this chance of introducing you guys to this wonderful new blog. Tara, a really really cool girl who is smokin hot (inside and out) and has lost about 75 lbs since Jan 2009. She is writing a blog about how she did it, and her current post lists seven ways to help with weight loss/ becoming healthy! They are fantastic ideas that you should check out!!!!

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes, instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful."

Oh, please tell me your thought on my lost post! Please!!!