I AM NOT PREGNANT!!

So, for all of you married women out there, you will probably relate, and to the unmarried... this might be very comical to read.

Ok, so we are going way back to about a year and a half ago. David and I had been married for half a year, and I had my first pregnancy scare. Ever since then, there has been something in my heart yearning for a child. I think it is safe to assume that I have taken at least 15 pregnancy tests; that is about $225 (embarrassing) dollars. Pour David! I told him last night that by the time you add up the money that it has cost us to buy these tests, we could have afforded a child. This month alone I have "peed on 4 sticks" as David calls it. (P.S. I am headed to the doctor in a week to make sure everything else is ok.)

I have now come to terms that instead of the 28 day normalcy, I am 35 days or longer. Right now I am on 43 days. Before this realization, every month, I thought I was pregnant. You can imagine what this has done to my heart! It has been a roller coaster, only to take a down fall after the excitement of every high!

My dear friend shared with me the story of Hannah, and after nibbling on it for awhile, I wanted to share with you:

Elkanah was a man who had two wives... Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had many children, Hannah had none. Peninnah basically tortured Hannah by teasing her that she Hannah no children, and Peninnah herself had an abundance. What did Hannah do with this? It says she worshiped the Lord, and it said that she, "...poured out her soul before the Lord."

So, let's break it down:

Peninnah's heart: Prideful

Peninnah's fruit: Teased Hannah, wasn't grateful, lacked fellowship (because she viewed Hannah as "her rival"

Hannah's heart: Humble

Hannah's fruit: Asked God, Trusted God, Truthful/Poured out her soul to the Lord, Had fellowship (with her husband as well as Eli), and eventually had a child.

My application: How kind of God to mold my heart to depend on him for children.

It is not David's fault I am not pregnant. God is leading David, and God has called me to submit to David no matter the circumstance (unless blatant sin)! Submission is not a matter of choice, but obedience, regardless! It says in 1 Sam that God had closed up Hannah's womb. I must see that it is God who has closed up my womb and not David.

It is ok for me to pour out my soul before the Lord! It is ok to weep! God hears and understands me! Children are a great thing! They are a heritage! And it is something for a woman to have children!!!! So cry out!

I want to be the woman who trusts God, not the woman who is at war with other women, David or God!

So, I am not pregnant... Now will I be for awhile (unless God). But, I know in this time, God has called me to trust Him! He is sovereign and knows what's best for me! He is leading David! A humble heart will produce humble fruit!

² Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deut 8:2-3

[Taken from I Sam 1:1-20] To be continued...