Tuesday, August 14, 2012


Wow!!! Let me reflect, if you will allow, on mine and David's last five years of marriage. We got married in Cookeville, Tn. Lived there for a little over a year. Moved to a little tiny place called Oliver Springs with David's parents. Lived there for a year. Lived back in our house in Cookeville for the summer. Got pregnant. Moved back with David's parents for half of the year. Moved to little ole Athens, Tn. Lived there for a year and a half. Got pregnant twice. Lost our job. And now, we are living in Nashville. This has been a whirlwind, and not a lot of this journey has been exactly where we want to be.

When we found our church home at Cornerstone Church of Knoxville over two years ago, we knew that is where God wanted us, but as for our living quarters, with David's ever so loving parents and then in Athens, Tn. we were not quite satisfied. I don't think we ever thought about moving to Nashville, mainly because we didn't see our hearts away from CCK. But, after being uprooted from Athens when David lost his job, applying aggressively everywhere we could think of, and after receiving a job in Nashville, we see that God is giving us grace for Nashville.

We have visited Immanuel Church in Franklin, and I must say that I never thought it could be our church home. I liked it, but it was not CCK! But, last Sunday, the Lord opened my heart, and I was so blessed by Immanuel. God has given us friendships here already that I can see are going to be deeply rooted in the gospel, and we meet new friends every day! No joke!!

We have already been able to minister a little to people in the community, and this was so hard to do in Athens. You would invite someone to church, but after they drove an hour with you to church, they never really wanted to come back. We also (possibly sinfully) did not have a heart for Athens. But, last night, David got to talk a little with a guy, Trevor, about church and spiritual things. He seemed excited about coming with us to Immanuel. David also had my cousin with him who has really started growing with Christ. They got to talk a little with Trevor together. It sounded so encouraging!!!

Let me say that we LOVE the Nashville life. There are so many things to do here!! God has really knit our hearts for this area! This may be just a feeling and may be fleeting at that, but we are so encouraged!! God has proved faithful by providing a job for us! I must admit that David and I lacked faith, but God still chose to remain faithful!!

I am not sure how long we will stay here, or if we will continue to like it, but I know this... That God is working all things for our good! He has not and will not abandon us, though we feel ourselves to be adrift the sea when the tides come. HE WILL NOT ABANDON US, THOUGH WE FEEL OURSELVES ADRIFT THE SEA WHEN THE TIDES COME!

Please pray for:
1. Spero (our baby boy to be born Sept 29th)
2. Insurance. We will be between insurances and are trying to apply for medicaid.
3. Trevor
4. David's new job. This is his first job after college that is not teaching.
5. Our transition to Immanuel/ friends and community

Thank you! We love you all and will be back at CCK soon to visit I am sure!

Saturday, August 4, 2012


Being swept from our home, jobless with no prospects and baby due in almost 7 weeks or so, David and I have had a really hard time! But, this hard time, like the others in our life has been so rich, too. Even the dry in this season is rich!!

One grace in our life is that we have sought counsel after counsel and each time we talk to someone, our hearts are so encouraged!!!

I find it interesting that three people have produced the same thought for me:

Jeff, our counseling pastor encouraged us with "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law." He said to really revel in what God has revealed to us. This meant that all my worry and anxious fear about where we would work or what we were going to do fell in to the unrevealed which was not mine to lay hold of.

Then, a plant pastor at Immanuel shared on Sunday the question "am I just seeking God's plan for my future or what he has already revealed in his word?" This too caused me to focus on what God has for me today and not the future.

And lastly, as David and I met with our friend, Chris Moore, he encourage me to look back at what God has done in our lives already, how he has been faithful to us in the past. And boy does that give us faith for the future!!

How encouraging to my soul that God would confirm this to me over an over again!

Yesterday we met with Dr. Dave Smith, a counselor in Knoxville! God used this in our lives as well! We felt heard, understood and loved just by a mere 80 minutes we had with him!!

Through all of our encounters with these men, we can see God shaping and molding his plan for us! The blank we see becomes a little more clear! And when it does not, we still see God's hand!!

Although we struggle with faith through this time, God continually gives us a drink from his well! We are thirsty and yet so saturated!!

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Friday, July 20, 2012


As each day passes and we remain jobless, lies build in our head. God has left us. God is silent. He is punishing us. What is wrong with us??

This morning as God graciously drew my heart towards his, I sensed him say that he is asking David and me to believe his promises even though we can't see them coming true! Faith, right?? The assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of the unseen? This is how saints of old pleased the Lord. So, why can't I have faith?

I think this call is much higher than myself. I can't muster any thoughts of solidity or trust within myself, and if I do, they are but for a moment. The call to faith is a gift from God. God has to grant me faith. But, this call is not without action!

This morning, as I ran through my scripture memory, the verses that encouraged my soul to have faith also encouraged me to action. Let me explain. God says if we hear his words and put them into practice, we will have a strong foundation that can not be moved. God says he rewards those who earnestly seek him. He says, I will gain life if I lose my life.

David and I want, no, we crave a strong foundation and we crave some sort of reward and we so desire to taste life. A mist our wavering souls and shaken faith, God is asking us to look beyond that for which we see and reconcile ourselves to the unseen! Cling to his word!! Know and trust his word! His promises DO NOT come unfulfilled!!! He has not left us! He hears us!! Ye, though we walk through the valley, WE SHALL NOT FEAR!!!

My soul shall be clung to the word as with a babe to its nursing mother!! Lord, we can not see you providing, help us to trust!!!!!

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Monday, July 16, 2012

Our life undone!!!

We found out a few weeks ago that David did not get rehired from his job in Athens, Tn. At first, this was exciting because we had been talking about leaving Athens, and we knew God was shutting this door. But now I think we sort of feel like God booted us out the door.
We know God is good and that his promises are true, but our faith is somewhat shaken as each day goes by and each opportunity passes us up!
We stayed with David parents close to Knoxville for awhile, and then decided to stay at my mom's and try our hand at Nashville for a bit.
We visited Ray Ortland's church yesterday and as he spoke to David and me after church, the holy spirit really spoke to
David! He felt the spirit say that God might call us somewhere and it might cost us everything. An also that God is with us, that God has a plan and has not left us! We were truly encouraged! After church we talked to a couple, Allison and Nathan Smith. They are too fun!! And, they are from CCK. Tonight we will go to Howard Varnadoes house for our first care group meeting.
I am not sure if God is calling us to Nashville, Knoxville or Pennsylvania, but I sure can enjoy some Immanuel fellowship while we are here!!
David's new office is Starbucks! He goes everyday and feels out applications. This process is so long and tedious, and you can work all day and feel as if you have not gotten anywhere!!
Ak has seemed a little more timid. I'm not sure if this is from not having any roots right now or just a phase for her age.
David and I really feel that God has given us grace with each other through all this. I think normally we would be tempted to fight this out, but we have enjoyed and clung to each other!!
For the time we are trying to trust God in all of this. You can pray for our hearts that we would meet with him daily and allow his word to interpret our situation and not our emotions. Also, pray that God will open up doors for us where he wants us an as we wait that we will rest in him!!!

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Friday, January 27, 2012

With Child

We are with child!!!!

Please pray we have a healthy baby full term but that our hope would be on God and not the baby! Pray that God would give us faith, whatever may come! Pray that our fears would be me with faith in the Sovereign God!!!!

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Monday, January 23, 2012

Does pregnancy equal God's blessing?

Last week was rough!!! My sin was ever visible, and I was very aware of my failures!! I felt lonely and needy for David's constant presence while my heart wanted to contend with Him, I was angry and bitter at anyone I felt was unworthy of my affections and I was sad! I couldn't understand what was going on but knew that in fact there was something going on and that my soul was not doing well!

While at care group this week, we talked briefly about feeling like other people are blessed when we aren't. Usually this happens with money in our household. We tend to believe that God is blessing others by providing for them, but we always seem to come up short (or so we think). This is so far from the truth, but I digress because this is not what my heart felt at care group either. As we were talking about this, I realized that all week I had been focusing on women who were pregnant. I realized that I felt as tho God were blessing these women who were pregnant and coming up pregnant. I thought to myself, "why has God blessed these women and not me." "why did he choose to take my baby and let them keep their's?" "why does he not bless me with a baby?" My view was blessing=pregnancy and no baby=God withholding a blessing.
I realized my mind has been occupied by many thoughts of pregnancy. Am I pregnant, should I take a pregnancy test, was the test wrong, should I take another, am I ovulating, am I incapable of having more babies????? Let me tell you, when you want to be pregnant so bad, it seems like your body and mind team up against you tricking you to believe that two blue lines are inevitable, only to swallow the bitter pill of emptiness and defeat.

So, here I am, not pregnant and realizing how much this desire has affected me!!! I know this desire is good, but I also need a good dose of truth when these desires run rampant in my head!!!

Here are some truths from the sermon on Sunday that so apply to me:

Truth, It's very short sided in the kingdom of heaven to store up treasures on earth. It's selfish and misplaced priorities.

Truth, Worry is the fruit of trusting in a competing treasure.

Truth, the secret to freedom from our anxiety is to get rid of our own plans and understand the sovereign rule of God!

Truth, When my anxious thoughts multiply within me your consolations delight my soul!!!!!!!!!!!

Truth, Which of you by being anxious could add an hour to your life?

Truth, One lie the enemy always says is that God is stingy.

Truth, He bestows his riches on any who call on him.

Truth, these truths build and strengthen our faith!!

Truth, "your weariness is meant to drive you to God" pt

Truth, God will never pursue his glory at the expense of my good and he will never pursue my good at the expense of his glory (something like that). -jb

Let me clarify that I was not responding wrongly because I kept coming up not pregnant or bc I had a miscarriage. I was responding wrongly because my desires were and are at war within me and because my heart is deceitful and because I choose to worship the created rather than the creator and bc I AM A SINNER! The cup doesn't spill bc it gets knocked, it spills because it has water in it!

But, I know this... That God has rescued me from my sin. I am not a slave again to fear or anxiety but God has adopted me as his child and bestows good gifts!!!

"No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly!!" -Ps 84:11

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