Thursday, January 28, 2010


Now, I shall attempt to proclaim the goodness of the Lord, in whom my life is constantly being refreshed and encouraged daily. For one week there has been a perpetual plight for me. For this whole week, my heart has been like a raging sea swelling up against the Lord in anger. Doubt rose like the morning sun, "Why?" "Don't you love me?" "Don't you hear me?" "Aren't you good, at all?"

So, as I sat this Sunday at the breakfast table, I began to ask David questions. Elementary as they were, God used them to reveal a misguided thinking in my life. I felt God was at war against me, because I was viewing my life as 80% bad and 20 % good. As I began to weigh everything in my mind, it all added up to this: Bad>Good=Therefore God is not good. This, my friend, could not be farther from the truth! Think of it like a bar graph. It seemed to me there was a bar of 80% bad and a bar that went up to 20% that was good. But, this is the reality: God=Good. There is not two different bars in the graph, there is just one, and it is three-d. And one side, the limited side, I can only see. But, God can see the whole graph. I can not charge God with having limited sight and me unlimited; I cannot say that this situation is bad and that God does not understand . He sees everything, he knows everything, AND HE IS GOOD. This is not bad what is happening to me, but good! I am so limited in my knowledge that I must trust and rely on God's knowledge. I say again, Anxiousness is rooted in unbelief, and unbelief in the ignorance of who God is! I must know that God knows everything, can accomplish anything, and that he is in control of everything. Standing on these bases will aid my heart!

Also, let me say that at this time, God has revealed many things to me that I believed would "fix" my problem, but when they didn't, I felt like I failed. A few for example: I need to confess more, I need to give more, I need to whatever it is. These things are all good, but I cannot use them as a ladder to get to God. I think one problem I had was that every time God would reveal something to me, I would think, "Oh this is it, this is my problem. This will make everything better." Then I would go and try to fix my life; these things were not fixing my problem. Nothing was! This is because God has me here! He has me here for my good. I can't work my way out of this! I may not ever know why God has me here, or maybe I will find out tomorrow, or maybe a year from now, but what I know today is that God is good and is working all things out for my good! Hark, raise your trumpet with me friend! Let us yell with our lives that God is good! The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger. --Elisabeth Elliot

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


This will be a long and verbally intensive post. Maybe you won't read it, and that is ok, but I must, I am compelled, I am in need of some verbal purging. Maybe you will give up before the end, and my friend, that is ok too, I just pray that anything I say may be of some service to you! I pray God will impart grace to you as you read this post, for in it is the depth of my heart, a sinful and corrupt sort of thing:

So, these past four days have been probably one of the toughest thickets I have had to tear my way through. As most of you know, David and I are living with David's parents and have been for the past five months. Let me first of all, for my sanity's sake share that these two people are very sweet, giving and oh so loving! They have been amazing in our time of need, a great example of Christ and they have taken us in, and "given us food."

So, my reckoning is not with them; however, I am compelled to do so due to the abundance of my sinful heart and it's ever outpouring of sin against them. My fruit must be dealt with, but more than that, my soul.

I have had many different stages of perspective over the past months, some good, some evil. But, I must say that I have never come to a point in all this where I have questioned God's faithfulness and goodness... Until Sunday. Oh yes, my dear friend, after a phone call that revealed David's job might be in question and the thought of going back to a place that is not our own, the depths of my heart were eager to question God. With an outpouring of tears that seem to come from the very pit of my stomach, my fists rose up in rally against God. The very words to my husband, "I just don't feel like God is being good to us!"

These words, with a few others to question my Lord, have resounded in my head and heart over the past few days. I have turned to food (chocolate), man (my husband), world (tv), sleeping, bitterness and much more to comfort my soul in this time. I told my husband, I wake and feel as if there is no hope in sight.

With the lie that these things actually can give my soul comfort, I fall, broken and afraid before my Lord.

God, however will not keep me there, for Christ stands in the gap of my ignorance.

Anxiousness, worry, fear, anger... all of these are rooted in unbelief, and unbelief is rooted in the ignorance of God! And, even though I have know strength to give, God is giving me his grace in many ways... The words of a dear friend, "I am aware that god greatly wants to comfort you bc my mind is flooded with scripture for YOU! ~Psalm 57 " I cry out to God most high, who will fulfill his purpose for me!"
~" God is our refuge and help a very present help in trouble"

Also, God has been giving me scripture as well. When I want to turn to TV, I keep reminding myself, "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on this law he meditates day and night." I know that watching most TV, it will only feed sin, but reading scripture and books, my soul is fed.

This morning, I wanted to feel related to, so I read Psalm 13

"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall
rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me

It is funny, because as I read this verse, I felt so understood, so related to! But then, I got to the last verses, and realized, these verses are what David and I memorized a month ago that were so helpful to me. I don't think at the time I realized this verse was in the context of the Psalmist crying out to God... How sweet for God to open my eyes to his word! That, when it is easy, God has dealt bountifully with me, when it is hard God has dealt bountifully with me, but even now, when it is ridiculously hard and I don't feel like believing God is good, HE IS STILL DEALING BOUNTIFULLY WITH ME!!!

I must say that the thought of this doesn't make me want to go run and clean the whole house, and it doesn't make me want to fix dinner, or give up chocolate, but it does bring me comfort, and I think that knowing who God is will bring about fruit.

God, grant me the grace to believe your character, that you may produce a life of fruitful obedience.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

75lbs in a year!!!

Ok so I wanted to keep up my question "How do you cultivate a thankful heart" from my last post for a while, because I really really would love some thoughts... But, I could not pass up this chance of introducing you guys to this wonderful new blog. Tara, a really really cool girl who is smokin hot (inside and out) and has lost about 75 lbs since Jan 2009. She is writing a blog about how she did it, and her current post lists seven ways to help with weight loss/ becoming healthy! They are fantastic ideas that you should check out!!!!

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes, instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful."

Oh, please tell me your thought on my lost post! Please!!!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

What are your thoughts on cultivating a heart of thankfulness?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Relief for the moment!

Ok, so I started the day out horribly overcome with bitterness and anger. No joke. If you think this a little dramatic, my husband will plead with you otherwise. With my burst of anger David gently said to me this morning, "Babe, will you go get into the word."

I must say at this point, my heart was actually desiring some time with God, in hope that some relief be in sight. As I read Ps 42, I felt understood. David, or the Psalmist was crying out to God about his circumstances. His soul was heavy.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God."

It is pure hope knowing that my circumstances are not forever. This is only temporary, and God has a plan for my life. He is using this time to root out sin, grow my faith, teach, discipline and also using this time for his plan! My new favorite saying is, "Anxiousness is rooted in unbelief, and unbelief in the ignorance of who God is!"

Now, I say all that to say, today has been fairly relieving for me. My husband and I have spent the day together. I have received two packages of mail from my mom, and one from my best friend, Megan! Do you know how glorious this is?! David and I are also going to some friends' house tonight for dessert. This makes me excited! I know I must not find joy in these things, my joy is found in Christ alone, but to know that people love me, and that God is using these people in my life to help relieve me in my time of need overwhelms me! In this season of my life, I am grateful for the little moments.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

How to organize meals for a family in need

Ok so for real I just found the best thing ever!!! If you are trying to organize meals a family, this is the best website ever!!!! I know some of you peps will be needing this soon!!! Here is a website that was sent to me for our care group leader who is about to have a baby. This is just an example of how awesome this is!!! Love you wonderful planners!!! Let me know what you think!

Organize friends or family meals: here

Friday, January 8, 2010

A Snow Prayer by David

"Lord, you left a little frozen dust this morning,
for some reason that's above me.
Some of it got on the driveway and the roads,
so it's a bit more difficult to whoa and go.
I don't really mind, though, knowing how much planning this took-
It's beautiful, white, and pure, like a metaphor.
And if we sit at home for a little bit,
you would show us how you're so magnificent."

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Confession is good for the Soul!!!!

So, many of you (the three of you who actually read my blog) know that I have been doing a study on Psalms. This morning I was reading 38. The words, "I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin." This morning, I spent time meditating on confession. I see my sin in abundance, but lacking ever more is my confession! I must have believed confession does nothing, for to see my lack of it, reveals the reality of my belief, that it is not important. But, I must say, God's grace revealed otherwise this morning.

Charles Spurgeon says it like this: "... the accusations of his conscience he admits. Open confession is good for the soul. When sorrow leads to hearty and penitent acknowledgment of sin it is blessed sorrow, a thing to thank God for most devoutly. My confession shall be salted with briny tears. It is well not so much to bewail our sorrows as to denounce the sins which lie at the root of them. To be sorry for sin is no atonement for it, but it is the'right spirit in which to repair to Jesus, who is the reconciliation and the Saviour. A man is near to the end of his trouble when he comes to an end with his sins."

"It is well not so much to bewail our sorrows as to denounce the sins which lie at the root of them." Wow!!! This is a revolutionary statement for me! I don't need to mourn over the fact that I have spent this whole week complaining. That my sin is too great, and just wallow in it. No, he has called me to search out the depths of my heart to find the root of the sin, confess it, and proclaim God's salvation through Christ!!! God has rescued me from my sin! He has overcome through the blood of Jesus!

He says in I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness. "

I think that by getting the root, confessing, and claiming Christ, God uses that to make me more like him! "Confession is not atonement", as Spurgeon puts it, but is sanctification, and is "good for the soul."

So, in this season of my life, though the sorrow is many, and sin abounds, I shall call this season blessed, because it brings me ever to my Saviour! Praise Him!!!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Questions to ask for 2010

(These questions helped me figure out some of my goals for this year!)

1. What's one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?

2. What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?

3. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?

4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?

5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?

6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?

7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?

8. What's the most important way you will, by God's grace, try to make this year different from last year?

9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?

10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?