Monday, February 14, 2011


Ok, so here it is!!! D-Day is almost here! I can't believe it (please excuse my many exclamation points as I feel the need to scream this whole post out!!)!! Our baby girl will be in our arms in three days! This journey, although only the beginning, has been a crazy roller coaster! And, I must admit, I feel I have only hit the peak of the ride right before the fall where there is no turning back!!! AGHHHHHH! I have so many things running through my head! Are we going to be good parents? Are we ready? Will she be an inconvenience? Will I love her? Will she feel like ours? What if I can't do this! Will I be able to breast feed?

I am so aware though through 20 weeks of unceasing nausea (which is still present but only masked by some "magic pills" from the doc) and through this emotional buffet of hormones, God is ever present and ever good in my life! David and I have truly seen God's faithfulness through this all and are ready to see what He has in store.

I must say though, my friend, this week is not one that is emotionally settled for me. Like this weather, my emotions are fluctuating to the extremes. One minute I am scared to death and the next I can't wait to hold our baby! A very present fear that I have is that Alex Kate is going to be an inconvenience. I know that this is actually true, that there will be times where she is inconvenient, but I just feel so selfish that I don't want her to mess up what good things we have. Woe to me, for such a sinner am I, and so in need of God's grace in my life!

I also am afraid, like most probably are, of the unkown. I don't know what will happen on thursday, I have never given birth, and I don't know what to expect. I am trying though to fight all my fears with faith in Our Lord. That He is good and is in control!! He knows what is best for me and will accomplish that!

Things that make me excited: I can't believe this thing that has been growing inside of me for the past 9 months is a baby girl and that I will get to hold her this week in my arms! I can't believe that I will have to change her diaper and wipe her little butt. I can't believe that I will put socks and a hat on her, that I will dress her and kiss her and hug her!

Whatever may come, may I always trust the Lord, for this child is his, not mine!!! May I walk in faith that He is good and will provide all we need!