Sorry about spacing:
I can't believe I'm holding my baby in my arms right this very moment. As she sleeps on my chest, my awe of God grows deeper and deeper. I can't believe he would allow David and me, such sinners to Experience this! The love we have for this tiny fragile life is deeper than anything we have ever known (third only to Christ and each other). David keeps saying, "the stars don't amaze me anymore." We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 Thursday morning, and got settled in our room with a gown on And wires attached all about me. They gave me some cervix softener at About six. David and I tried to pass the time by playing cards, but this proved only impossible as our minds were set for the days arrival! As I began to get anxious, David would play me some worship music and read me some verses and most fears would be calmed! People started arriving around lunch time, as well as some contractions. I could not feel any of them at first, but a few hours later I was dilated to two and 80-90 % effaced so my contractions were ever present! I then asked for my epidural. I received it and almost immediately felt no pain! I received my catheder since it would have not been possible for me to stand. This was the best part, for I had been using the restroom for nine months consistently, and I had to drag the iv to the bathroom every five min at the hospital! We were surrounded by friends and family, and we could not had more fun!! As the day went on so did my painless contractions, but nigh did we see any more sign of dilation. I think at about five oclock I was a three and then about eight or nine I had made it to a five. My water was broken by this point, the doctor came in around three and broke it. Not painful at all!! So as we continue, my slow progression makes dilation to an eight at about 11 that night, and they told me I can start pushing in an hour and a half. So I started pushing and about two hours later, realized my epidural had worn off due to the amount of hours pushing. So here I am, doctor is in, then doctor is out because four of us were in labor at the same time! I was being so competitive and told the nurses helping me push that we were going to be the first done! As each one gave birth, I was still stuck pushing!!! Once again doc came in and baby started crowning! As the moments went on, I could feel everything!!!!! It took another hour with no epidural until Alex Kate was finally born!!! The doc realized that what had taken so long was that she was sunny side up, which means she came out looking up. This made it harder for her to make it out. Alex Kate Ogle was born on feb 18th at 3:42 am at 7lbs 8 oz and 21 inches long. I was prepared for her to not feel like mine because some people say this happens, BUT by the grace of God, as I saw her emerge from my womb, I was blown away that this tiny little thing was ours! That God would allow us to have her! She was beautiful! She was what was growing inside of me for 9'months! God formed her and gave her to us! Woe is me!!!!!! For I m ruined! I didn't get to hold her right away I think because she was vacuumed out. This means: because she was taking so long they attached this tiny suction cup to her head and pulled her out as I pushed. So thankful for this help! About ten minutes later, they gave her to me and I got to breast feed her for the first time! Over the next hours, David tended to her because I was in a lot of pain from the delivery. This was hard for me, i wanted to hold her and be with her, but could not because I had to get a bath to help ease the pain, I had to use the restroom which took quite a few tries due to pain. And rest... I was so tired from the day, I needed sleep, but could barely let go of what was going on. I think from 3 o'clock Thursday morning to 11 o'clock fri morning we caught about three hours of sleep. Over the next two days at the hospital we wept over the fact that God in his mercy and grace would even give is such a gift. Alex Kate is not an end, but turns our heart to God, to reveal his love for us that he would give us the ultimate gift of eternal life through the death of his son! What grace! What grace that God would know what we desire when we don't even know ourselves. I don't know how to explain this, but I am ready to do this all over again. With all my trials and pain, this experience brought me so close to my husband, to my daughter, and most of all to my God! I love Alex Kate and am so thankful. Since we have been home, I have had at little postpartum depression, being sad at night, and I have had many fears that I am trying to proclaim truths about!!! At times, I feel weary and anxious, but God's truths pour out into my soul! I am so thankful for my husband! He has been such a servant to both Alex Kate and me. Words can not explain how my heart for him has grown!!! I can't believe that God would allow me to walk through this with Him!!! I rest my weary soul in God's hands, but David is a mercy from God for me! Praise our glorious Father who holds all in his hand!!!!!
David's Poem: Stars no longer amaze me. When I saw my princess crowned by my queen, they were downed out in holy amazement. Leave it to God to make the curse a blessing; He does divide the darkness where He wills! Now, my life is not my own, again. And tomorrow it will be demanded of me; all the way to eternity. His goodness and grace overflow from my eyes and drip on his image of me and myself (the rib of me)! How small am I? How weak? How dependent on God in Christ? My hands hold the answer in my infant... Alex Kate
