Ogle This

With Child

2012-01-27T04:31:00.001-08:00

We are with child!!!!

Please pray we have a healthy baby full term but that our hope would be on God and not the baby! Pray that God would give us faith, whatever may come! Pray that our fears would be me with faith in the Sovereign God!!!!

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Does pregnancy equal God's blessing?

2012-01-23T18:39:00.001-08:00

Last week was rough!!! My sin was ever visible, and I was very aware of my failures!! I felt lonely and needy for David's constant presence while my heart wanted to contend with Him, I was angry and bitter at anyone I felt was unworthy of my affections and I was sad! I couldn't understand what was going on but knew that in fact there was something going on and that my soul was not doing well!

While at care group this week, we talked briefly about feeling like other people are blessed when we aren't. Usually this happens with money in our household. We tend to believe that God is blessing others by providing for them, but we always seem to come up short (or so we think). This is so far from the truth, but I digress because this is not what my heart felt at care group either. As we were talking about this, I realized that all week I had been focusing on women who were pregnant. I realized that I felt as tho God were blessing these women who were pregnant and coming up pregnant. I thought to myself, "why has God blessed these women and not me." "why did he choose to take my baby and let them keep their's?" "why does he not bless me with a baby?" My view was blessing=pregnancy and no baby=God withholding a blessing.
I realized my mind has been occupied by many thoughts of pregnancy. Am I pregnant, should I take a pregnancy test, was the test wrong, should I take another, am I ovulating, am I incapable of having more babies????? Let me tell you, when you want to be pregnant so bad, it seems like your body and mind team up against you tricking you to believe that two blue lines are inevitable, only to swallow the bitter pill of emptiness and defeat.

So, here I am, not pregnant and realizing how much this desire has affected me!!! I know this desire is good, but I also need a good dose of truth when these desires run rampant in my head!!!

Here are some truths from the sermon on Sunday that so apply to me:

Truth, It's very short sided in the kingdom of heaven to store up treasures on earth. It's selfish and misplaced priorities.

Truth, Worry is the fruit of trusting in a competing treasure.

Truth, the secret to freedom from our anxiety is to get rid of our own plans and understand the sovereign rule of God!

Truth, When my anxious thoughts multiply within me your consolations delight my soul!!!!!!!!!!!

Truth, Which of you by being anxious could add an hour to your life?

Truth, One lie the enemy always says is that God is stingy.

Truth, He bestows his riches on any who call on him.

Truth, these truths build and strengthen our faith!!

Truth, "your weariness is meant to drive you to God" pt

Truth, God will never pursue his glory at the expense of my good and he will never pursue my good at the expense of his glory (something like that). -jb

Let me clarify that I was not responding wrongly because I kept coming up not pregnant or bc I had a miscarriage. I was responding wrongly because my desires were and are at war within me and because my heart is deceitful and because I choose to worship the created rather than the creator and bc I AM A SINNER! The cup doesn't spill bc it gets knocked, it spills because it has water in it!

But, I know this... That God has rescued me from my sin. I am not a slave again to fear or anxiety but God has adopted me as his child and bestows good gifts!!!

"No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly!!" -Ps 84:11

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My thoughts on this Christmas

2011-12-16T09:06:00.001-08:00

Awake my soul from the unmoved,
apathetic and grayish room.
Where colors dull and drear exists,
anything but what causes bliss.
Why is this holiday so cheery,
I must explain my state of theory.
For once, thought I, it would be nice,
to celebrate what crowds think right.
Yes, Santa, stockings and even a tree,
these were the things that inspired me.
Then soon there was a debriefing you see,
when I realized my joy was not found in these!
But then I declared an all out war,
nothing holiday would come through my door.
Mary did you know that your baby boy
was not born on Christmas,
Did you know this holiday was first a pagan existence.
Bah Humbug Bah Humbug, that's what I'd say,
To celebrating any part of the day.
No happiness, no excitement, no presents around,
There went the baby with the water out of town!
Ok, Ok this is a bit dramatic,
but certainly I was quite apathetic.
After seeing some friends so happy with glee,
I realized there might be something wrong with me.
I restled my heart and attempted to pen,
why this holiday seemed so dim.
Then, once again, he awakened my soul,
to see the grace he did unfold.
Oh this grace, it is so rich indeed,
for a babe was born, the King of Kings.
God came down, in humility,
took the punishment meant for me.
Because he came, my soul is free,
I can rejoice in this babe a King!
Rise, my love, from thy sleep, awake,
He beckons for you to partake.
Not in getting joy from these earthly things,
but rejoice for His love has made these clean.
Get a tree, put it up and trim it well,
for your soul is freed from the pits of hell.
Rejoice, Rejoice, our God came,
he took our sin, he took our blame!
Merry indeed, Merry Christmas to you,
forever satisfied with this eternal truth.
HE CAME!!!!!!

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Video

2011-12-09T07:08:00.001-08:00

Show off when Auntie Megs comes for a visit.

YouTube Video

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Helping our souls, helping our husbands!!!

2011-12-08T18:40:00.000-08:00

Found this from a blog post I wrote a little bit ago, but encouraged me today!!!

Side Note: Helping our husbands doesn't just mean doing things (laundry, dishes etc...). I strongly believe that my role as a helper is to help my husband fight the good fight! Part of that is making our house a place where our husbands can be refreshed, but, more than that, if my soul is not being revived, I can not help David. But if it is, then and only then can I help him. If being refreshed means to go away for an entire day, or to read a book for three hours, (and always spending time with God) then I think that is ok! Today for example, I have not done much around the house, but I am clinging to the cross, the grace that Christ my Savior will not lose favor with me! I am being challenged today to believe that I have not done enough and need to get through a list, but God is also penetrating my heart and giving me courage to go forward with my daily chores, not as if I need to see checks on my list, but as one walking in her calling, as a helper, and also to know Christ more! Bask in that!!!

2011-11-17T08:18:00.001-08:00

Oh if people could but know this joy and peace I have in the midst of my trial!!!!! They would fall on their face and worship the one true God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise Him!!!

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Button's new life with Christ

2011-11-10T13:04:00.001-08:00

Button's new life with Christ

My day started out like any other pregnancy day...an overwhelming since of nauseousness. But with this feeling was the feeling of excitement as well! Today was the day that we were going to get to see our little Button on ultrasound. I have been a little worried over the past few days because of some light spotting that something was wrong with little Button, but since I tend to fear, I shrugged these emotions off. We arrived at the doctor and went into the ultrasound room. I could tell almost immediately that something didn't look right. The tech was pretty quiet as she took measurements and then proceeded to listen to the heart. There was no heart beat. This made me a little worried, but I figured that it was just too early to hear it. Then the words resounded in David and my ears, “Im going to go get Dr. Roberts.” With that we knew exactly what happened. Tears and emotions followed the next couple of minutes as David and I tried to accept what was happening.

Dr. Roberts had to rush to the hospital for an emergency C-section, so they decided to take us to a room to wait for an hour until her return. Walking to the room was the longest walk I think I have ever made. We walked past a couple that we had seen before the ultrasound when everything was happy go lucky. This was hard! You never realize how happy women are in an obgyn office until something like this happens. As I made my way to the bathroom, some people would just smile. “Shouldn't they know what is going on? Why are they smiling; it's not a smiling moment!”

Over the next hour as David and I waited in a room, we prayed together, wept together, sang together, shared lies and then a lot of truths! I would not give this hour up for anything. It was very healing for me!!!!!

So, here is what I want you to know about baby Button. God has chosen to pour His grace on Button and spare him/her from this sin riddled world! What a grace! We believe baby Button is in heaven worshipping Jesus as you read this!!! Also, we believe that every single moment and day of Button's was fashioned by God. He wrote every single day and knew when it would be Button's last! This act is for my best, David's best, Button's best and even your best! God is good and working all things for His good. “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints(ps 116:15)!!”

Where we are: We are certainly sad! This is hard! But we do not grieve like someone who has no hope! For we know we will get to meet Button one day! We ask for your prayers. We are spending two weeks trying to let things happen naturally, but if nothing happens, we will go for a D and C, I guess after that. So, pray that we will not have to have the surgery. David is taking a week off so we can be together. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts!!!
Love you all

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2011-11-06T05:55:00.001-08:00

Hubby wrote a post that encouraged my soul!!!!

Jesus, The Narrow Gate

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30 days of thankfulness

2011-11-02T08:54:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, we were cared for by Kay Simmons!! I'm so thankful for her care and her yummy chili!!

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Anvil of nauseousness!

2011-10-19T14:35:00.001-07:00

From Ray Ortland's blog today:

When God wants to drill a man
And thrill a man
And skill a man
When God wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part

When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways!

How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him
And with mighty blows converts him
Into shapes and forms of clay
Which only God can understand.

How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes
How He uses whom He chooses
And with mighty power infuses him
With every act induces him
To try His splendor out –
God knows what He’s about.

Author unknown.

Pix

2011-10-12T17:22:00.001-07:00

The End!!!!

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In further news...

2011-10-03T18:04:00.001-07:00

Ok ok if you don't get it yet:

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My fall decor!!!

2011-09-30T13:14:00.001-07:00

Appreciate it!!!

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Apples to Apples

2011-09-29T07:10:00.001-07:00

It's about making the right choices at the store so you don't have the opportunity at home!! Well, in our case anyway.

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2011-09-22T06:44:00.001-07:00

Having a yummy snack of yogurt and granola (confession: im trying to learn to like yogurt!) while my daughter plays in a box (weird??)!

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It's what's for dinner

2011-09-21T07:30:00.001-07:00

Homemade turkey noodle soup with grilled cheese, turkey, tomato and basil sandwiches!!! Yum!!

-all cooking props go to my chef hubby!!! I'm a lucky gal!

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Hard day = yummy cupcake

2011-09-20T03:56:00.001-07:00

Had a hard day yesterday, so hubby surprised me with a treat when he got home from work!!

Strawberry cupcake!! My favorite from The Bakery here in Athens!!

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Picture Perfect!

2011-09-19T12:41:00.001-07:00

We're loving some fall weather!!

AK is almost sitting up on her own. I figured this out after I laid her down for a nap and came back and found her like this...

She loves her carrier, but loves her two fingers even more!

We are all about the leg warmers these days!!

Catching some snuggle with abba on Sunday morning before church!

Stay at home Mom's tip

2011-09-14T16:41:00.001-07:00

Warning!!!!¡¡¡¡ Great idea in 5...4...3...2...1 ok, so this post is to those stay at home Mom's who always feel like their housework is never done! First off let me say that it is true; it is never done, but that is ok. That is a gift of God's grace, after all the reason it is never done is because you have that special hunk of a man and those sweet littles to keep your life busy!!

Ok, now let's get down to the nitty!! I abhor, revolt against, hate anything that comes close to a schedule in my life (except for AK! I have to put her on a schedule), so when my amazingly beautiful friend, Joy Finch, started to share how she does housework with three kids under three, and when she said the 's' word, I felt my heart stiffen a little inside! But then... she explained how she does it. Mondays are "mopping Monday's" which means the only thing, let me repeat, the only thing she does all day is sweep and mop her floors. The same goes for "tidy tuesday". The only thing she does for that day is pick up everything that is out of place in the house. "Washing Wednesday" is designed only for washing your clothes. "Thorough Thursday" is specifically for deep cleaning bathrooms, maybe dusting, whatever needs to be deep cleaned. Friday is "frugal friday" where you plan your meals and coupon (I don't coupon!!). Ok, let me repeat that you only do what that day calls for.

My heart slipped into sublimity (did I just make up a word, nah). I think sometimes I can tend to feel imprisoned when is comes to scheduling, but this schedule really frees me in more than one way.

1. I don't feel like I have to clean my house all day every day. I have one specific task for one specific day. Even though there is only one task, it still takes all day to get these done; let me reassure you I am not sitting on the couch eating bon bons all day (Thanks s.sluss for this illustration!)

2. My house gets fully cleaned! I don't miss doing the floors for a month because I never got around to them.

3. I really struggle with wanting my house to be clean for company. This keeps me from cleaning everything spotless all day just to look good. Again, I only have one job for that day.

Thank you Joy Finch for simplifying my life!!!

Disclaimer: this method is not for everyone. Some people may like it and others not. This is just a tool!!!

Here is my version:

For your entertainment:

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Location:Scheduling

Baby Sophia

2011-09-12T05:47:00.001-07:00

You know those women that just look so beautiful after they give birth? I'm talking like not even two hours afterwards? Well, that is what my Nessa looked like after pushing for almost two hours.

I walked in the hospital room about three hours after she had given birth and the only thing more beautiful than she was, was the fact that she was holding her (also amazingly beautiful) daughter in her arms!!

Nessa had a few complications yesterday, but all in all it looks like they are doing pretty well!

I pray God's kindness and grace be shown in little sophia's life! May she grow to be a woman who loves Jesus with all her might and know Him well!!

I love you little Soph Soph!

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Honor of a mother

2011-09-07T01:59:00.001-07:00

For the past two days I have beaten the sun up! As I sit her with my little precious, I'm aware of my need for God's grace in my life. This excerpt is taken from The Girltalk blog:
I need my gaze lifted beyond my daily duties to my eternal mission as a mother. In his book, Womanly Dominion, Mr. Chanski brings us encouragement right where we need it:

“There she sits exhausted on the edge of her bed, her face in her hands, wondering, “Where's the glory in this?”

She needs something more empowering to keep her going.

She needs to gain and maintain the deep conviction of the glory, honor, and nobility of selfless service. This she finds at the foot of the cross, looking up to the One who earned for Himself “the name which is above every name” (Philippians 2:9), by “emptying Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant” (2:7), humbling “Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (2:8). There she beholds her Savior who mopped up the damning vomit of her own sin with the precious sponge of His perfect life and atoning death. The love of Christ constrains and compels her to press on (2 Corinthians 5:14). The Spirit of Christ empowers her” (pp. 120-121, emphasis mine).

Are you having a hard time being “the hub” today? Then "fix your eyes on Jesus” (Heb. 12:2-3), ask Him for help and strength, and thank Him for the honor of being a mother.

I got a feelin!!!

2011-09-06T05:19:00.001-07:00

"I got a feeling that tonights gonna be a good night!"
That is what Alex Kate and I sang Thursday morning as our anticipation built as we waited for the arrival of Nonnie. She would come in late Thursday night and stay until sat morning. It was delightful. Here is a picture documentary of our fun excursion on Friday!
First thing we did when we woke up: snuggled

Then we had some bathtime, and oh did I make Nonnie laugh!!

Next it was play time, and I showed off a few tricks for Nonnie! But not before Nonnie got me all dolled up for the day! (I don't know why, but my grandmas love doing this! Wink wink)

Then mama and Nonnie spent some time together whilst I Laos my head upon my pillow (oh wait, I don't have a pillow)

Then it was Party Time!! We left the house, and of course the first thing we did was get some yumminess!

I just had to take a nap with all that yackin they did in the front seat. Yack yack yack!!

Next it was on to better things: shopping!!! We went to the Cleveland downtown for a quick look. It was quick due to the lack of stores.

Next: food again!

With no luck downtown, we headed straight to the mall where we knew there were sure to be some fun buys! While mom was in a dressing room, I found a fun cart to play and chew on.

On the way back home there was miles and miles of traffic. But this didn't stop mommy and Nonnie from having fun:

What did you just call me?"

The day ended perfectly with some dinner with my abba!

Mama loved this band made up of all old people; one even had to use a walker, but they were jammin!

The day ended with a new friend being born into the world!!! Hi John, can't wait to meet you!!

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Picture days

2011-08-30T15:42:00.001-07:00

What, you ask, has been going on lately with the O's. Well a whole lot of fun, that's what.

I've played dress up with grandmommy!

went to church

working hard like my abba

getting some snuggles from my abba and mama

learning how to play

got to see some special people!

Found my first pair of boots I want

all tuckered out from a fun filled day!

when I got home I was not ready to go to bed!!

Whew! I think that is all!!!

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Fa fa fa fun!!!!

2011-08-22T11:08:00.001-07:00

What we've been up to:

Papa J's birthday:

Mama Sarah, AK and star!

uncle wesley's hat

some cousin lovin time

Photo op at church:

Mommy and Nonnie were acting pretty silly at Gander Mountain:

I miss my Nonnie:

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Baby is mobile...

2011-08-18T15:06:00.001-07:00

So, baby is mobile, but not in the way you think...

And we got sidetracked for a bit...

And we're off again...

And we made it to the toys!!!

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2011-08-18T12:03:00.001-07:00

My heart skipped a beat!

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Mini photo op

2011-08-13T19:33:00.001-07:00

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Photos

2011-08-10T11:00:00.001-07:00

She's pretty good at sitting up.

Vanessa, Sophia and me at Nessa's shower!

"I really am teething!!!"

Visit to abba's school!!

Future teacher like her abba and her auntie megs?

"I like his tie!!"

"I like this hairy thing!"

His job:

My job:

-lovin life!!!

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Life overview

2011-08-06T10:40:00.001-07:00

Lately, I have been thinking about our quality of life. Hubby is a teacher and I stay at home with our sweet baby, so we are learning more and more about being content with what we have. Paul says "I know what it is to have plenty and to suffer want." but that is just it... Although we don't have a lot, I don't feel like we are suffering want!!! This is partly due to our parents who provide so much for us, but I think also by God's grace, he has given us a contentment that has produced in us a love for our season, a love for each other and a love for knowing God more!

In this season I have been:
-enjoying cleaning and making our house a home
-making crafts (a lot of hairbows. These are for little Sophia Lashlee. I can't wait to meet her.)

-sewing tiny bit

-cloth diapering Little Bit

-reading the books Bonhoeffer and Running Scared (I think is what it's called)
Disclaimer to wives: although this sounds like a lot, let me reassure you- my couch has no room to sit on because of the piles of clothes I have to fold, the dress i have sewn already has a hole and is probably unraveling as we speak, the dishes need to be done, and I am walking around with pee on my pants from our cloth diapers leaking!!! I am just trying to say that God's grace has given me a season of contentment (for however short this may be).

David has been:
-starting school (the kids start on Tuesday)

-he is enjoying his team that he is on at school. There are four male teachers (one being his best friend) and three female).
-he is excited about this upcoming year and has really been enjoying brainstorming ideas for it! There are a lot of changes this year, so he is excited to see what happens.
-he is currently taking apart a computer

-he has also been enjoying jiu jitsu down here
-he too is reading Bonhoeffer
-we are both really excited about a small group starting up here in Athens! His principal will be leading it (how kind of God that David is working under a like minded, super encouraging, boss!!)

Alex Kate has been:
-rolling over every time she lays on her back
-saying the syllable bah a lot
-sitting up on her own
-sucking on her toe

Leg warmers!!!!

I may be teething??

Yeah for the hot dog ride at school! Yeah for my abba's awesome shirt.

I'm a pro at this sitting up thing

I like to sleep like my mama

Love me some cousin Lyric

Hope you enjoyed!!!

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No more facebook??

2011-08-03T19:41:00.000-07:00

So, its official. I am undoubtedly, inscrutably, unmistakably forever and amen off of facebook. Whatever my reasons, please don't mistake this practice for a principle. What I mean by that is that the principle is to not be conformed to this world, or to flee temptation, etc... The practice is played out differently in all of our lives. For me, this is not because I think facebook is bad. I certainly don't. In fact, I love facebook (maybe a little too much).

For now, we will be posting baby pictures and the like on here. Enjoy, and let me know if you have any ideas about how to upload pictures from the phone super easy to this or some other account other than facebook!

Fear, the false prophet!

2011-05-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Fear!! The number one thing that being a mommy has revealed in my heart is fear! I awake and it is hovering over me like a dark cloud getting ready to assault its victims, and I lie down at night, eyes blackened from the days trials, the cloud showing no sign of relenting.

I do not suppose you to avail anything I have to offer, but that God might somehow work through my inability! Many tread upon this hill, and many return to find that God alone is the keeper of their soul. No amount of inability could keep them from victory, for in God there is wisdom and strength for the journey.

A typical morning for me looks like this: “Oh no, has baby slept too long? Does she need more sleep? Is she hungry? Are these diapers too tight? Is she getting a rash from these new diapers? Am I doing this cloth diaper thing wrong? Did I lay her down for her nap too early? Did I lay her down for her nap too late? She's crying, should I pick her up? I wonder what other people do when their babies cry? If I lay her on the floor will she get a disease? When I go out will people touch her? Have you washed your hands? When I touch this door handle, are there diseases on it? Will baby turn out dumb because she doesn't sleep well?”

I don't know how many times I have called my friends asking many many questions only to find a basic theme throughout ever answer: “Every baby is different and you just have to find out what works best for your family!”

This is hard for me because I love formulas. I would live my whole life by a formula if I could. I break out in hives when hubby varies from a cooking recipe for dinner. These recipes are an exact science and so should it be with parenting! 1+1 should always equal two. But the fact is, is that it does not. You can do one thing one way and it works for baby only to find out the very next day your method is shot to pieces because something in the equation differed in some microscopic way! In fact, as I sit here and write this, baby is sitting in her baby seat because she woke up early from her nap and would not go back to sleep.

So, I am left feeling helpless because I have no equation to make baby do what I want her to do. I think in these moments when I am so desperate and needy is when God's grace is so evident! I know God is always gracious to me regardless of the circumstances, but when I call out to him for help, I am convinced that he hears my plea!

So many times I forget this. I forget to depend on Christ for my help! I try to figure it out, I try to rely on my friends who have “figured it out” I try to read books that are based on formulas. Through the years a verse has stuck with me in my times of need and it rings true to my soul today:

And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord! Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you. Deut 8

Be still my restless soul, for in these verses I find much strength for the task at hand! God says first that he is the one that has led me here! God is sovereign and I must acknowledge that he has given me this baby with all of her quirks and idiosyncrasies (already), and that he has given Alex Kate, me, with all my failures and ignorance! He leads me every day. I find myself always in a place where I don't know the answer for whatever baby is doing. And, I tend to believe the lie that I am going to ruin her because I don't understand her! He has brought us here. The Lord divides the darkness where he wills! He gives me my lot!

I find myself in these wee moments realizing this, that my dependence is on him! This humbling of my soul is oh but a grace of God! How magnificent that he would bring me to this weary hour to see that he gives me my bread! He causes me to hunger and HE FEEDS ME! Oh what a great God! My soul shall magnify him! Praise God for providing all that I need for life and godliness! He will not let my soul be abandoned to Sheol! He will not let me rest in this hideous self-rule that I walk in so many times! Like my hubby always quotes from Kung Fu Panda, “I must give over the illusion of control!”

Ephesians 6:10 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might!”

(pause for a moment while I indulge in a amazingly delicious cupcake my hubby just brought home. MMMMMMM a picture of God's sweet grace).

As sure as I sit here and type this post, I am struggling with fear that baby will awake early from her nap. This proves to me that I am a filthy sinner with filthy rags and so in need of God's grace. First, that I have been self-dependent from the day that I was born and in need of a savior! And Second, that this is going to be an ongoing battle that in every moment for the rest of my life I shall continually confess my sin and rely upon my God!

So, weary mom rise up and praise Him for he has brought you to this place! He loves and cares for you and wants you to turn towards him for strength and victory! Trust him, for he is the one that clothes you and feeds you! Fear is a false prophet telling you lies! Be strong, my sweet friend, and stand in the strength of his might!

Oh these filthy pieces I carry,

woven so tight from my daily tarry.

These tasks that I take,

these rules that break.

Hard pressed and shattered,

this equation is scattered!

Try so hard only to see,

from his hand alone do I feed.

You have humbled my soul,

I, you have chose!

I come to this place!

Oh God, your saving grace!

Our Birth Story

2011-03-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

Sorry about spacing:

I can't believe I'm holding my baby in my arms right this very moment. As she sleeps on my chest, my awe of God grows deeper and deeper. I can't believe he would allow David and me, such sinners to Experience this! The love we have for this tiny fragile life is deeper than anything we have ever known (third only to Christ and each other). David keeps saying, "the stars don't amaze me anymore." We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 Thursday morning, and got settled in our room with a gown on And wires attached all about me. They gave me some cervix softener at About six. David and I tried to pass the time by playing cards, but this proved only impossible as our minds were set for the days arrival! As I began to get anxious, David would play me some worship music and read me some verses and most fears would be calmed! People started arriving around lunch time, as well as some contractions. I could not feel any of them at first, but a few hours later I was dilated to two and 80-90 % effaced so my contractions were ever present! I then asked for my epidural. I received it and almost immediately felt no pain! I received my catheder since it would have not been possible for me to stand. This was the best part, for I had been using the restroom for nine months consistently, and I had to drag the iv to the bathroom every five min at the hospital! We were surrounded by friends and family, and we could not had more fun!! As the day went on so did my painless contractions, but nigh did we see any more sign of dilation. I think at about five oclock I was a three and then about eight or nine I had made it to a five. My water was broken by this point, the doctor came in around three and broke it. Not painful at all!! So as we continue, my slow progression makes dilation to an eight at about 11 that night, and they told me I can start pushing in an hour and a half. So I started pushing and about two hours later, realized my epidural had worn off due to the amount of hours pushing. So here I am, doctor is in, then doctor is out because four of us were in labor at the same time! I was being so competitive and told the nurses helping me push that we were going to be the first done! As each one gave birth, I was still stuck pushing!!! Once again doc came in and baby started crowning! As the moments went on, I could feel everything!!!!! It took another hour with no epidural until Alex Kate was finally born!!! The doc realized that what had taken so long was that she was sunny side up, which means she came out looking up. This made it harder for her to make it out. Alex Kate Ogle was born on feb 18th at 3:42 am at 7lbs 8 oz and 21 inches long. I was prepared for her to not feel like mine because some people say this happens, BUT by the grace of God, as I saw her emerge from my womb, I was blown away that this tiny little thing was ours! That God would allow us to have her! She was beautiful! She was what was growing inside of me for 9'months! God formed her and gave her to us! Woe is me!!!!!! For I m ruined! I didn't get to hold her right away I think because she was vacuumed out. This means: because she was taking so long they attached this tiny suction cup to her head and pulled her out as I pushed. So thankful for this help! About ten minutes later, they gave her to me and I got to breast feed her for the first time! Over the next hours, David tended to her because I was in a lot of pain from the delivery. This was hard for me, i wanted to hold her and be with her, but could not because I had to get a bath to help ease the pain, I had to use the restroom which took quite a few tries due to pain. And rest... I was so tired from the day, I needed sleep, but could barely let go of what was going on. I think from 3 o'clock Thursday morning to 11 o'clock fri morning we caught about three hours of sleep. Over the next two days at the hospital we wept over the fact that God in his mercy and grace would even give is such a gift. Alex Kate is not an end, but turns our heart to God, to reveal his love for us that he would give us the ultimate gift of eternal life through the death of his son! What grace! What grace that God would know what we desire when we don't even know ourselves. I don't know how to explain this, but I am ready to do this all over again. With all my trials and pain, this experience brought me so close to my husband, to my daughter, and most of all to my God! I love Alex Kate and am so thankful. Since we have been home, I have had at little postpartum depression, being sad at night, and I have had many fears that I am trying to proclaim truths about!!! At times, I feel weary and anxious, but God's truths pour out into my soul! I am so thankful for my husband! He has been such a servant to both Alex Kate and me. Words can not explain how my heart for him has grown!!! I can't believe that God would allow me to walk through this with Him!!! I rest my weary soul in God's hands, but David is a mercy from God for me! Praise our glorious Father who holds all in his hand!!!!!

David's Poem: Stars no longer amaze me. When I saw my princess crowned by my queen, they were downed out in holy amazement. Leave it to God to make the curse a blessing; He does divide the darkness where He wills! Now, my life is not my own, again. And tomorrow it will be demanded of me; all the way to eternity. His goodness and grace overflow from my eyes and drip on his image of me and myself (the rib of me)! How small am I? How weak? How dependent on God in Christ? My hands hold the answer in my infant... Alex Kate

BABY IN 3 DAYS

2011-02-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here it is!!! D-Day is almost here! I can't believe it (please excuse my many exclamation points as I feel the need to scream this whole post out!!)!! Our baby girl will be in our arms in three days! This journey, although only the beginning, has been a crazy roller coaster! And, I must admit, I feel I have only hit the peak of the ride right before the fall where there is no turning back!!! AGHHHHHH! I have so many things running through my head! Are we going to be good parents? Are we ready? Will she be an inconvenience? Will I love her? Will she feel like ours? What if I can't do this! Will I be able to breast feed?

I am so aware though through 20 weeks of unceasing nausea (which is still present but only masked by some "magic pills" from the doc) and through this emotional buffet of hormones, God is ever present and ever good in my life! David and I have truly seen God's faithfulness through this all and are ready to see what He has in store.

I must say though, my friend, this week is not one that is emotionally settled for me. Like this weather, my emotions are fluctuating to the extremes. One minute I am scared to death and the next I can't wait to hold our baby! A very present fear that I have is that Alex Kate is going to be an inconvenience. I know that this is actually true, that there will be times where she is inconvenient, but I just feel so selfish that I don't want her to mess up what good things we have. Woe to me, for such a sinner am I, and so in need of God's grace in my life!

I also am afraid, like most probably are, of the unkown. I don't know what will happen on thursday, I have never given birth, and I don't know what to expect. I am trying though to fight all my fears with faith in Our Lord. That He is good and is in control!! He knows what is best for me and will accomplish that!

Things that make me excited: I can't believe this thing that has been growing inside of me for the past 9 months is a baby girl and that I will get to hold her this week in my arms! I can't believe that I will have to change her diaper and wipe her little butt. I can't believe that I will put socks and a hat on her, that I will dress her and kiss her and hug her!

Whatever may come, may I always trust the Lord, for this child is his, not mine!!! May I walk in faith that He is good and will provide all we need!

BRING IT!!!!!

Snow what!

2010-12-13T09:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I must admit that this Christmas has been a bit difficult. With no house of my own and no Christmas fixings of my own, I have been quite perplexed. Everything that I thought that Christmas was, is not for me! No christmas tree, no presents, no home to decorate, etc... So, I must say that when Oliver Springs received this snowfall (measured in one spot at 6 " and counting) I was ecstatic! I threw open the curtains, made some hot chocolate and lit a candle. After all, this is what makes it all worth it. The snow was beautiful, and the way it fell on the farm land, oh how magnificent. Who needs a house full of decorations when you have acres of snow on the ground.

But, this euphoria ended real fast when David and I had to make a trip to Athens, and the amount of snowfall they had received was well non existent. We had driven through about 45 min of snow only to drive about 15 more min with the beautiful view of nothing! No snow anywhere. Unlike the melting snow, my heart began to get heavier and heavier, colder and colder, for I was not ready to leave the snow. I told David that I was so surprised, but I was really having a hard time with our absence from the snow.

It seems this Christmas, everything that has always meant so much to be has been stripped away, but by God's grace there is more to this story. Although this is hard for me today, I can rest thankful to my God for rooting out these faux joys. These things, which do certainly help us look to Christ, do not in themselves satisfy me! The thing that gives me my fill is Christ, that he came as promised by God, lived a sinless life, and took God's wrath that was meant for me upon him! By His wounds I am healed.

So, this Christmas, I do not rejoice in the fact that I have a home to celebrate Christmas in, or that I have a christmas tree, or have drank my share of hot chocolate! By no means!! For if I gave any of these things a place in my life, they would always fall short of giving me joy!

I rejoice in my Lord and Savior! I rejoice that God promised a Messiah and that he has come!!!

" But you, O Bethlehem Ephrathah,

who are too little to be among the clans of Judah,

from you shall come forth for me

one who is to be ruler in Israel,

whose coming forth is from of old,

from ancient days.

Therefore he shall give them up until the time

when she who is in labor has given birth;

then the rest of his brothers shall return

to the people of Israel.

And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the LORD,

in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God.

And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great

to the ends of the earth.

And he shall be their peace..."

I am also thankful for God's grace in my life through my church. God has used them to really helped me look towards Christ this Christmas!

Words from a Dear Friend on this Holiday Season

2010-12-03T07:01:00.000-08:00

This is a response from a sweet friend about her views on this season... David and I are in awe of God's grace in this sweet family and love just watching them all interact!!! I wanted to post this because I love the way she views the season!! Very Helpful for us!!

"Well...to start with...I don't like seeing Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving!! I think that's a real revealer of what's important in our country...STUFF...MONEY...MORE STUFF...MORE MONEY... I enjoy the advent season leading up to Christmas because it's such a great time of preparation and examination. Preparation for celebrating the birth of our Savior and examination of my heart...asking the Lord to show me where I'm not treasuring Christ more than (fill in the blank). I enjoy decorating our house...and hopefully it's tasteful and inviting. We don't do the whole Santa Claus thing...and didn't with our children. However, when our kids were home we did tend to go over-the-top with gifts...not a good thing. God has been so gracious to redeem us and redirect our hearts, though. So, our focus is more on worshiping Jesus than accumulating things. We have always gone to a Christmas Eve service, which is a highlight for me. That's why I'm so thankful that CCK will be having a Christmas Eve service this year!!! I didn't really appreciate establishing traditions when our children were young. Now that I do...I find I'm more excited about the season of Thanksgiving and the preparation and anticipation of Christmas. So, this year we're starting a new tradition (shhhh...don't tell...it's a secret to our kids) called advent baskets...which will include an advent calendar. So...starting with December 1st and ending on December 25th, they will open one small gift each day from their baskets and in each day on their advent calendar will be an attribute of God for them to ponder and meditate on. Hopefully, this will help all of our hearts remain fixed on the amazing truth of the gospel...that God gave us Jesus...and there's no more precious gift than Jesus!!! I'll look forward to reading your "conclusion"!!"

DITL

2010-11-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

So, I guess I will do my DITL although it is not that interesting!!!

5:00 alarm goes off

5:15 David gets up and gets dressed while I get up and clean his coffee press out(sometimes with a bad attitude, sometimes not) (sometimes I hang out with him while he gets ready for the day).

5:30 David reads the word in the bedroom while I go back to sleep.

6:00 We say our goodbyes for the day, and I head back to sleep until 8:30 and sometimes 9:00.

8:30-9:00 I slowly wake up and realize my bladder is about to bust, and then little bit kicks and I run to the bathroom!

9:00 Make breakfast (egg on a piece of toast with either OJ or milk everyday). I sit on the couch with my breakfast open the computer and check gmail and facebook. Then I read my ESV online and journal about it. After this, my schedule is pretty much anything goes. Let's just say I incubate for little bit!

11:15 David and I video chat for about 30 min while he eats his lunch!!!

11:45 Do a little more incubation!

2:00 or 3:00 I get up and get ready for the day/hubby.

4:30 David gets home and either I have made dinner or we cook it together.

6:00-9:00 We have started playing cards lately, but during this time we also hang out, watch tv, and get David ready for the next day.

9:00 We get to bed and read a little bit. Lately David has been reading Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and Humility by C.J Mahaney, and I have been reading Baby Wise.

Sometime between then David turns off the light and immediately somehow falls to sleep, I have a million things running in my head, so I usually accidentally wake him up talking to him. I don't realize he is already asleep!! This happens about 3 times a week.

9:00pm-5:00 I toss and turn, use the restroom about 6 times, try many different ways to sleep and snuggle to my hubby!!!

What a perfect life!!!

A promise for the unborn!

2010-11-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

Something I have been clinging to today:

I have been a tiny bit sick this week, and it has revealed some fears that I have in my heart. You see, pregnancy is so crazy because other than the responsibility to be healthy, you have no responsibility at all to grow or keep your baby! I do not know how she is doing! I can't tell if she is ok! I have no idea. What I have been really trying to cling to this morning is Ps. 139

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16 ESV)

This truth keeps me grounded in the midst of my fearful and distrusting heart! God knows my baby girl and is keeping her! I am so thankful that God has given me this truth that I can cling to and trust in uncertain times!

A turkey day unlike any other

2010-11-19T05:48:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving is not one that my family would have suspected. You see, the way my family does Turkey Day is well sort of a blow out! My family is so close, and we are so crazy. We always have so much fun when we get together, oh and the food... I imagine God may well in fact ask my family to cook for the banquet he is preparing for us.

This Thanksgiving, however, is proving to be one of epic proportions. My Aunt's house is in the middle of demolition from the crazy flood Nashville had, and if any knows what it is like to not be able to live in your own house, I know you can sympathize. My mom has just had surgery to remove some cancer on her face, which isn't all that bad except that she has to have reconstructive surgery the day before Thanksgiving, and she is also having a hard time with the possible outcome. Who wouldn't have a hard time with a chunk of skin taken out of your face!? And last but not least, my grandmother, the matriarch, the tribal leader, our great wall of China, our solidity has just found out that she has breast cancer that is also in the lymph nods.

This Thanksgiving, my family will be shaken. We will not have the food that we have always had, we will not have the participation that we love so much, a lot of us will be stuck on the couch while others around us are forced to do our beckoning, but my friend, in the midst of these trials, in the midst of pain, we will rise and say this. Thanksgiving is not about food at all, it is not about games, or parades, or feelings, Thanksgiving is about turning our minds away from earthly things and looking to God our Father. The Father who has set all things before Him (Col 1:16,17). The God who has authored our days (Heb 12:2). He promises that he conforms everything to the purpose of His will (Eph 1:11). He promises that He does good to us every moment! "No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly! (Ps 84:11)" God makes our lot secure (Ps 16:5). He promises he has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

This Thanksgiving, we can be thankful for our circumstances! We can be thankful for them because God is good to us every moment of every day! This is the day that the Lord has made! Weeping may tarry for the night, but JOY comes in the morning! Let us have faith that God is working in the midst of these trials, to bring us into a hope that will not disappoint. GOD IS GOOD!

What are your views on this season?

2010-11-15T06:59:00.000-08:00

So talking to my husband this week, I realized that some views I had on Christmas and this season needed to be transformed. We spent a little time last night thinking through a few of my thoughts about it. He was so helpful, and I am now just trying to let God define my thoughts on this subject. I am just curious as to what you believe about celebrating Christmas and ALL the festivities with your family (i.e. decorating, music, santa, etc...). Let me know what you think!!! I will write my conclusion in a week or so!

Psalm 16

2010-11-11T06:48:00.000-08:00

So I have only been up for about 15 min now, but I can already list all of the things that have gone wrong. I must admit I have a strong desire to list them all out as to some how get pity from you.

I shall not do that for there I will not find repentance, and there I will not find true joy.

True joy is found in the cross. And in Ps 16 we clearly see God's mercy on us!

This season my circumstances have been far from what I could have ever imagined where I would be at this point in my life. David and I have dreamed many dreams of something different for us. We have a tendency to think our circumstances, if only changed, would make our hearts joyful, loving, happy.

This, my friend, is by far the farthest thing from the truth. As I read in Ps 16, God instructs my heart to take refuge in Him because I can not find anything good that is apart from him. This means that God is the author of my circumstances, and though I try to change my circumstances, though I try to chose something different for me, God is saying to me and to my circumstances, THIS IS GOOD!

The psalmist continues by telling us that he chooses the Lord. He is saying the he chooses what God has for him, and he calls it pleasant. I can't imagine calling my circumstances that I do not like pleasant! I can't imagine being thankful and seeing that God is pouring His grace on me through these hard times. The psalmist even rejoices to this fact. Lord give me the strength and grace to rejoice in the midst of my circumstance, that you are good to me and this season is a pleasant one because you love me.

The psalmist adds that God makes known to him the path of life. This season of my life, regardless of how it feels, is God revealing the path of life to me! Only in Him will I find joy! I will not find joy when my circumstances change, I will not find pleasure in what I think is best for me. Pleasure is found only in God and what he authors for my life.

GOD IS GOOD AND IS GOOD TO ME! Therefore, let me rejoice in my circumstances for God does not let me go, or abandon my soul! What a beautiful inheritance this is, to walk the path of life that God has laid out for me!!!

So, Lord I do repent from believing that my ways are better than yours. I confess that I think that only if things change the way I want them to, there I will find fullness of joy. This is a lie, and I turn from this and ask you to help me believe and see true joy in you ALONE! Help me to love people that I don't want to love, help me to trust your plan for my life!! Thank you for doing me good all the days of my life! Every moment!

Read Ps 16 here!

Pregnancy Update!

2010-07-11T19:56:00.000-07:00

Just a quick little update:

I am now 8 weeks pregnant! Happy Birthday little Ogle fetus!!! I have been pretty sick, with the all day, every moment, relentless, more than the morning, morning sickness!!! But, I must say that God has been great because:

We are at my mom's and she has really been helping us out buying me food (all types of food), letting us lounge around the house all day, and just really caring for David and I!

My husband has been so helpful and lovable! Long hour back rubs!!!! Oh yeah!!!

Although I am eating very unhealthy (bc not a lot sounds good), I have been able to eat and drink and take all my meds!!!

Although I have been a little discouraged because of being sick, God has been giving us little refreshers along the way!!! Today, I actually got up and went to Cracker Barrel!!!

Thanks for the prayers!!

What should our baby name be?

2010-06-24T14:54:00.001-07:00

Ok, so one tired pup and three pregnancy tests later, it is official!!! WE ARE PREGNANT!

So, what should our names be for a boy or girl? Give us some suggestions. We love weird, totally unique and hippy names!!! Go for it, let's hear it!!!!

A Hormonal Heart-to-Heart!!!

2010-06-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

Get ready ladies... What I am about to share with you is the inevitable, predictable, never-ending most annoying PMS. Oh yes... This week, I must confess I have been overwhelmingly angry!!! My emotions have been like a ticking time bomb! At any moment anything that doesn't meet my expectation is met with rage in my heart! My poor husband has been trying to endure this illness of mine (if I can call it that). He has been so kind to forgive and overlook! But, for me, this is not the case!

I woke up this morning so thankful and happy to be with my husband, but at the same time, I could feel my heart growing cold. I started praying right away (or not so right away), that the Lord would help me love today! I must admit that sweet victory comes right now only in that I have been rescued from my sin (more on that to come).

But, I want to share with you a few things that I myself need to hear!

1. Don't take your temp!

"On a normal day we should be careful not to spend excessive time analyzing our feelings. But on a PMS day, such self-examination is most unhelpful. If we try to “take our spiritual temperature” when our hormones are raging, the reading will most certainly be inaccurate. And we run the risk of compounding our discouragement and despair." Girl Talk Blog

2. Be wise and Pray

I got the helpful hint that I need to start keeping track of my monthly cycle so that I can ready myself for this difficult time! I began this morning asking God to help me in this!!!

"Proverbs 22:3: “The prudent [woman] sees danger and hides [herself], but the simple [women] go on and suffer for it.”

3. You are not alone

"THIS IS NORMAL." Yes, it’s common. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13:“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.” These hormonal challenges are a temptation—not an excuse to sin, mind you—but a significant temptation to be sure. And we are not alone in this struggle...The Lord allows this and He will grant all of the grace needed to endure. In fact, that’s exactly what 1 Corinthians 10:13 goes on to promise: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” Our Lord does not stick us in the middle of hormonal craziness and leave us alone to find our way out of the maze. No, He graciously provides a way of escape so we can endure it. He provides a way of escape so we can rejoice in Him (even when it’s the last thing we feel like doing). " Girl Talk Blog

4. Truth is not an emotional stimulus!

"“Avoid the mistake of concentrating overmuch on your feelings...Above all, avoid the terrible error of making them central. If you put them there you are of necessity doomed to be unhappy because you are not following the order that God himself has ordained...After all, what we have in the Bible is Truth; it is not an emotional stimulus, it is not something primarily concerned to give us a joyful experience. It is primarily Truth, and Truth is addressed to the mind, God’s supreme gift to man; and it is as we apprehend and submit ourselves to truth that the feelings follow.” D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

5. WE ARE RESCUED!!!

Rejoice for God has rescued us from a life where sin reigns free! Because Christ, who had no sin, became sin our behalf, died in our place, took God's wrath that was meant for us to punish our sin! Christ died in our place! He took my sin on him! "Now, all I know is grace!" Now, even in my weakest moment, even in my darkest hour, God is working in my life for my good and his glory. God is not punishing me! God is not tempting me! He is growing me! Sanctifying me! Loving me! Now, PMS, which was a tool for my own desires, to murder and hate, God is using to grow me to love, to humble me to depend on him! What grace was given to me that I may know God! That I may experience victory! That I may love, when others hate! That I may be wise!

I hope this encourages you to fight! I hope you find yourself ready for battle and encouraged in faith!!!

Come With Me, Together We can Take the Long Way Home

2010-06-10T15:47:00.000-07:00

"Come with me, together we can take the long way home" are not just lyrics in the Norah Jones song "The Long Way Home," but there, hidden beneath the notes and lyrics is something waiting to break from the pages. My song!

I have so much to say that has been happening in our lives, some things have been revealing God's goodness and others have been showing us that we need to depend on him for grace to get through it!!

In the book "Relationships, a mess worth making," the author states, "Every painful thing we experience in relationships is meant to remind us of our need for him. And every good thing we experience is meant to be a metaphor of what we can only find in him."

This past year was a really hard season for my husband and I. We had trials, arguments, pain and suffering! Through the pain, God was so faithful and kind to reveal our sin and his love for us. His provision through this roller-coster has been so evident, and I tremble at the thought of how much he loves me!

This season, however short as it may be, has been so relaxing and enjoyable. Just to give you a little background, my husband is a teacher, he just got a job in Athens Tn, (or is in the process of getting), where he will be working for a boss that has the same vision and goals as we do! The city of Athens is what we are looking for, and we are so excited to see what God has in store next year for us!!

In the meantime, however, since David is a teacher, and it is the summer, we have been living in Cookeville and just basically spending time with each other. We have gotten to hang out with old friends and watch one full season of Lost. Silly as it may be, we have been relishing this time and holding tightly to every moment!!!

I can most confidently say that I know what it means to be brought low and I know what it means to abound. I know that whatever my season may be, I am called to depend on Christ alone and not myself. Deut 8 says:

Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you...

¹⁰ When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. ¹¹ Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. ¹² Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, ¹⁴ then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. ¹⁶ He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." ¹⁸ But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.

What this means is that no matter my season of life, whether it is ridiculously hard or a fruitful season abounding with the most delectable fruit, God is working. He is always working good for me, and always pouring his kindness on me!

So, like the song lyrics, I do feel I am taking the long way home, that David and I are far from finding out where we need to be, but regardless of the terrain, my goal is Christ!

"So we make it our aim to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."

Thank Christ for his provision of atonement on the cross. He was perfect, yet took the wrath reserved for me! Not because of anything that I did, but because of his great mercy he was punished in my place!!!

Ode to the Supermarket and the man with the magazine!

2010-04-27T05:56:00.000-07:00

So, there I was on isle seven, and all of the sudden I realized it...I had not brushed my teeth! Oh no, I thought to myself, as I began to hold my breath as people pushed by me. And, then, it happened once again. Oh no, I forgot to put deodorant on. How swiftly people were walking by me now. Do I smell that bad? Can they smell me at all? I know all of these things were just my vain imaginings, and no one really could tell that I was so unkempt. But, I knew.

As I was making my way around the supermarket, my mind ever fixed on hygiene, I noticed a man walking into the bathroom with a store copy of a magazine. One that he would probably put back, and one that you or I have probably picked up before. GROSS! I suddenly had a feeling overtaking me, EWWW! I kept replaying this picture in my mind. Flee, I told myself. Run away, far far away!!!

So, as I continued to pass over each isle, I realized something that brightened my grocery task! First, let me preface by sharing that I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This basically means that my hormones are out of whack. I am trying to regulate my hormones naturally, thus pruning every yummy food out of my diet. Let me break this down for all you high fructose corn syrup lovers (which I am one of)... I can't have any prepackaged or canned foods, which basically covers 80% of the store. Although, my new eating habits have been hard to grasp and a mountain to get over. I realized in that moment of passing isle after isle, goodness after sweet yummy goodness, that my life had gotten a little simpler. Yes, this is true. Other than the occasional snack grab, I am blessed to have to pass over isle after isle after isle!

My supermarket route usually starts in the dairy section, continues with the meat, and ends at the produce! No more getting lost in between! So here's to you, PCOS, oh how simple you make life!

Then, after about thirty minutes and much cell phone deliberation between my whole family about where a certain hot sauce was, we realized the certain type we were looking for was in Louisiana. Not in the supermarket isle 9 where I had been looking for the past half hour!

So, there I am. I find myself at the check out counter, finally. My mom recently sent me $100 gift card in the mail. It was neat to find out that my bill was $101.22 But, this meant that I needed to write a check for $1.22 I just handed the cashier the check and let them type its amount. So, the guy hands me back the check. I reach for it. He has a firm grip on it. So, I reach for it again. After a few minutes of playing this game, he said, "I am showing you how much the check is for." SO, then, I said, "Ok" And reached for it again. And, thus, once again, the game began. "What the heck is going on," I thought to myself. He then, so patiently explained, after he ripped the check out from my hands, "no, I am just showing you the amount." Not that he ever told me that he was keeping the check, but I realized once he snagged it from me and put it away, what he was trying to say.

My conclusion is this... Supermarketing is a task, one that reveals sin, and one that is in need of grace!! So, as you go on your way, know this my dear friends... "For He was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray. Each of us has turned to his own way, and The Lord has placed on Him the iniquity of us all."

Being wise at home

2010-04-21T12:00:00.001-07:00

So, this morning as I sat on the floor with papers scattered about trying to file our life into categories; electric bills, pay check stubs, doctor bills and so on, I found myself stuck in an abyss of TV. I normally don't watch TV during the day, other than the occasional lunch time "What not to Wear". Today, though, I decided to indulge myself while I was filing papers, as if it counteracted the indulgence somehow.

So, my conclusion from today: TV= the world wrapped up in a box. If you want a big dose of the world, just find your remote, turn it on and watch!

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to throw away your TV. I will still watch it, and one of my husband and my favorite things to do is watch a good show together!

I am asking you to reevaluate this; Are you building your house or tearing it down? Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her hands tears it down."

What kind of house are you building? One of serving, love, humility...? Or one of self indulgence, self-pity, anger... The things we allow to pour into our minds will either build or tear down. There is nothing in the middle, nothing that is neutral!

I don't think God calls us to be so legalistic or condemned, but I do think this is something to question, something to think about, and, also an opportunity to practice grace when we fall short. An opportunity for the gospel!! For in the gospel we see ourselves there amongst the world, living foolishly disobedient lives. But, God in his mercy saved us, called us blameless! God says, "Not that you chose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you may Go!" God chose me while I was still an enemy of him! Now, I am called to take this gospel to the foolish and disobedient world!

#1 from Femininity Conference

2010-04-18T13:09:00.001-07:00

Girl Time!!!!! That is right! This weekend, women gathered from all around to here an excellent author/speaker, Carolyn McCulley! What a treat for us women, and I want you to be able to indulge as well! This week, I want to share a few truths that were so encouraging for me this weekend!

So, here goes #1:

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that He exists, and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

That is a familiar scripture memory verse right? Well, I must admit that although I knew that verse, I don't think I truly understood the last phrase until she explained it. She said, "Do you really believe that God will reward you?"

Now, let me clarify, for all you skeptical women out there. I don't think she was intending, nor do I think the verse is saying that God will reward us with whatever we desire, and it is not saying that these rewards are self indulgent adding to our thrills in life.

I do, however, think that this reward God is speaking of is the reward that he will fulfill his promises, that he will act as he said he would. "God is not man that he should lie, nor son of man that he should change his mind. Does he speak and not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" How I apply this is simple... In those moments where David and I are in conflict, and I think that by nagging him, he will learn his lesson or I will get my way, this is by no means biblical and by no means will it produce the fruit that I desire.

If, however, I am quiet and gentle with him, with all submissiveness, having hope in God, obeying God, my obedience (given from God) will produce fruit. God will act on my behalf. Not that I will receive what I want, but God will reward me, he will produce in me or David the character that reflects his glory!

So, maybe I could break it down by saying that God rewards a heart of obedience with a fruitful life! God will reward me.

Here is another example: David decided to tell his administration that he did not want to coach next year. He felt God leading him in that decision due to the lack of time for family he had while coaching. So, David stepped out in faith. He was not rehired, due to this choice, but, we have hope that God will reward his decision. God promises he will provide! We believe God and who he says he is! He will provide for us! He is Sovereign.

"...according to the plan of Him who works out EVERYTHING in conformity to the purpose of HIS will!" Eph 1:11

My little friend, oh how cute!!!

2010-03-30T15:54:00.001-07:00

I just have to share with you something that makes me soo happy!!! This is a fantastic woman and to see her little preggo self makes my heart melt!!!!

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward."

Cultivating a heart of thankfulness

2010-03-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

So they stuck me in the dryer, closed the door and turned it on! At least that is what I feel like. I have been through the ringer, and I am back to report, "GOD IS GOOD!"

Ok, let me get you caught up with a play by play. Diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Took medicine to correct it. The medicine made me sick for about six days. Questioned God's love for me. Took the natural route and gave up every thing tasty in my life (only to find better tasting food that I never knew about) and started exercising everyday, All in the meantime I was eaten up with bitterness, anger, a complaining heart and pride!!!!

I recently listened to a talk, which you can find here under the Newly Married Seminar. It was great for my marriage, but something more interesting, it was great for my walk with Christ. I realized I have been going through these last eight months with the biggest chip on my shoulder, which if I still had, I would probably try to eat it because of the lack there of in my diet. My life was filled moment by moment with complaints, anger and bitterness. My husband was having a hard time dealing with it, as well as everyone else around me, I am sure. He encouraged me to really get in the word as well as talking through my sin many nights trying to help me figure out what was going on!!! I am so thankful for him. I also remember thinking that I was just depressed, and that all of my new friends really hadn't even seen the real me.

So, as I listened to this talk, I was flooded with conviction of my deserving mentality. This was the root of it all. I felt like I didn't deserve what I was getting, whether it was from God, my husband or my circumstance (which is ultimately from God). So, when I felt I was deserving of something more, I would respond with the faithful fruit of bitterness, or anger and most of the time on top of those, complaints. What is the truth? The truth is that I do deserve Hell. "For the wages of sin is death." God says, "For all have sinned and fallen short." Therefor, I must conclude, I DESERVE HELL AND NOTHING LESS!!!!

We must understand this if Christ is to change our life. To turn from our ways and to trust him as our Lord and Savior, "For He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray each of us have turned to his own way, but the Lord has placed on him the iniquity of us all!" Praise God for HIS salvation.

We must understand that for salvation, but I believe also, we must live by this as well. Live every minute knowing that God gave us a gift, and we deserve Hell. I wasn't living by this. I was living in light of myself and what I wanted and felt I deserved. This was a lie. God also says, "Flee the evil desires of youth (for me a deserving mentality) and pursue righteousness, faith love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart!"

I know that I have learned many things in this season of life, but I think this one is different. This is the root of all of my bad fruit!!! I also believe that it is a discipline to give up your deserving mentality. There are many times during the day I have to practically say, "It is ok that this isn't the way I want it, I deserve Hell." "Let us run the race with endurance." It is hard and a discipline, but we must!!!!

So, wherever your season us, whether it be a crying baby (or two), a sick pregnancy, pilled high with homework, at home, without a home, looking for a home, stuck under a pile of clothes...etc, know that God has graciously given you life!!! This will produce a heart of thankfulness and love for others!!!!

On a side note: You know it is funny, as I wrote the title of this post "Cultivating a heart of thankfulness, I remember that I posted a question some time ago, "How do you cultivate a heart of thankfulness." I didn't have this heart and wanted some thoughts!!! How kind of God to help me understand this!!!!

Free Printable Resources

2010-03-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

Check out some free printable resources for organization here!

Ode to David on our 2 year!

2010-03-01T09:19:00.001-08:00

This is our two year anniversary,

oh how happy it makes me.

For we met and fell in love,

Oh the prince you are to me!

You are so handsome,

you do not know!

Sometimes I think your face,

it glows!

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu,

It makes me sing,

to see them tap

because you're the king!

I love your humor

it makes me laugh

Without it I'd be

lost on this path.

Wise you are

in so many ways.

Is amazes me all the

things you say!!!

With wisdom,

insight is so dear,

how do you know

my every fear?!

I love when small

things make you smile.

I love when we

just sit awhile!

Your leadership

I must exclaim,

God's gift to you,

his glory your aim!

The best teacher

for a thousand miles.

What one would give

for you to teach their child!

You give me grace!

I don't deserve!

You show Christ to me,

all these lessons learned!

I stand in awe

I stand in whoa!

So thankful that

you are my little Bilbo!!

God made me female!!!

2010-02-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to post a response that a friend had to my fear of feeling manly because of my high testosterone levels.

"My thought was that u r female bc God made u so. It is not your hormones that make u feminine, but it is fearing God, submitting to David, developing a gentle and quiet spirit... the world says hormones make u feminine we know differently..."

Wow, although I know this, it was so refreshing to hear. So, I ask you...

1. What lie are you believing that is causing you to view your "hormone" as your worth? / What is your "hormone?" (outward beauty, how many babies you can have or when, how many chores you get done during the day, how much energy you have, the obedience of your child, etc).

2. How do you find your worth in Christ when you see yourself struggling with this? How do you bring this lie back to the gospel/ how can you apply the gospel to your worth?

3. Do you recognize this lie even when you are excelling in it?

4. What verse have you memorized on God's view of you?

I keep coming back to this verse: "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshipped created things rather than their creator!"

Also "Your beauty should be... that of your inner-self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, for this is the way, the holy women of the past who put their hope in God made themselves beautiful!!"

I will not go quietly into the night!

2010-02-22T12:35:00.000-08:00

Typically, most Americans wake up to their alarm and the sound of birds chirping outside their window, and typically this is routine for me as well. Not today, for I was awakened with the sound of a phone ringing, and no birds were to be found, for that sound was replaced by my doctor saying ever to casually, "Katie, your testosterone levels are high."

"What!" My heart exclaimed, "I am turning into a man?"

Thanks to being a woman, many emotions flooded my head as well as an uncertain inspection of my body, "Do I have hair on my face? Do I have a low voice? Do I look like a man"

"This disease" that I have now been diagnosed with is called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. What this basically means is that I have an endocrine disorder or hormonal imbalance that causes infertility, unwanted hair growth, ovarian cysts, obesity and well that pretty much wraps it up in my book. So with the thought of turning into a man, you can see the distress this caused me. I decided to protest PSOC and pluck every unwanted hair on my face and wear a dress today! I will not go quietly into the night!

But I must also say that my heart and emotions I was having could not be plucked or disguised! I had to get away and spend some time in the Word to figure out my heart, to give me some relief! As I approached this oversized hill of doubt, I began to journal. I listed my fears:

The reality of having a baby is getting further and further away from me, like a ship on the ocean drifting further and further away until it is no more!
I am turning into a man.
Why is God adding this to my plate? Doesn't he see I am already having such a hard time in this season!
Is he punishing me?

These questions resounded in my head, but God was so kind to reveal his character. I can only do Him justice by sharing these verses: PLEASE READ!

"He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water."

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

""For the Lord will not cast off forever, but though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love."

"Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked?"

Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways!

"²And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. ³And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. ⁵Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the LORD your God disciplines you. ⁶So you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him. ⁷For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, ⁸a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive trees and honey, ⁹a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. ¹⁰And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you."

I see now that I need to trust God's word and his character! I don't think that I can truly "see" how God has been good in my life. But, I think that is ok! I think this is faith! "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Sometimes right now I can't see any evidence of God's goodness, but I can trust that he is good! God delights in this!

How do I grow my heart to trust him? "How can they call on him whom they have not believed, and how can they believe if they have not heard?" God calls me to find his character in his word! I desire to cling to the word, to his character!

So what is God's character? God is completely Sovereign, infinite in wisdom and perfect in love! (From Trusting God even when life hurts by:Jerry Bridges). In the word, we find an adequate view of God's character. This is why it is so important for me to BE IN THE WORD.

I hope this post finds you in a place where you don't question God's goodness, but if you do, I pray God gives you faith to believe his goodness when it's not insight! Paul pleaded three times with God to take away his thorn before he realized God's character and that his grace was sufficient. Call to him! He will answer! He is good in your life! I heard a quote one time, "If I truly believe that all things work out for good, I must believe in a sense that all things are good for me! (something like that)"

I leave you with this "No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly!"

My mom is a published author!

2010-02-21T18:23:00.001-08:00

So I have to do it!!! I have to boast! My mom is a published author with a book right smack dab in the middle aisle of Books A Million!!! I am so proud! I feel like I know a celebrity! I do!! She is so cool!

For Leigh-Allyn

2010-02-12T09:33:00.000-08:00

(My friend just died from Cystic Fibrosis, so I wanted to write a poem for her!!!)

For Leigh-Allyn

A little body so tough, so courageous,

your life, can only echo through the ages.

To some this battle might seem lost,

Your life written to count the cost.

They raise their fists, they don't know,

It was Christ's love you came to show.

God above is good indeed,

For it was His mercy he set you free!

It was your body we could not own,

He has called you, thence and made your home!

Ever alas you live in peace!

Not life, but death, your trials released!

For death is gain, and you do see now,

at His feet you lay your crowns!

Present with the King, and not with us,

Now we know, and this we do trust.

You did not have your wedding day here,

but only that could have been mirror.

YOUR GROOM! YOUR GROOM! he stands alas,

at the alter as you pass!

You walk down the aisle to meet him there!

Oh how beautiful, the two in pair!

Spotless bride, he called you home,

You praise his name, bow at his thrown!

I stand in wonder of where you are,

I can't imagine life beyond the stars!

One day soon we will meet with you,

we'll get to see your new body, too!

But dear child, I must exclaim,

as we share and speak your name.

You're not the one we strive to know.

Injustice that would be, for all you showed!

Showed us Christ, you did indeed,

so now on earth we can be free!

Your life was lived, not in vain,

Share it we will, to speak his name!

And as you stand among the son,

we remember you, the life you won!!!

No loss is here, only victory shouts!

For this one thing we do not doubt!

Lacy's Little

2010-02-09T14:30:00.000-08:00

Lacy's Little:

Oh precious child, I can't wait to see.

For you little one I am waiting to meet.

Your mom and I have been best of friends,

in my heart there's a place for you to begin.

Once you are born, we will all rejoice.

The heavens and the earth, one resounding voice.

The love for you will always be,

ever near and dear to me.

I pray you a life to become,

one that bows before the son!

May your life be full of grace,

one that reflects our Lord's great face.

And, I pray dear child as you go,

your pursuits, your trials may be not home.

But look on you, to a higher place,

For our Lord and King deserves our praise.

I AM NOT PREGNANT!!

2010-02-06T09:16:00.000-08:00

So, for all of you married women out there, you will probably relate, and to the unmarried... this might be very comical to read.

Ok, so we are going way back to about a year and a half ago. David and I had been married for half a year, and I had my first pregnancy scare. Ever since then, there has been something in my heart yearning for a child. I think it is safe to assume that I have taken at least 15 pregnancy tests; that is about $225 (embarrassing) dollars. Pour David! I told him last night that by the time you add up the money that it has cost us to buy these tests, we could have afforded a child. This month alone I have "peed on 4 sticks" as David calls it. (P.S. I am headed to the doctor in a week to make sure everything else is ok.)

I have now come to terms that instead of the 28 day normalcy, I am 35 days or longer. Right now I am on 43 days. Before this realization, every month, I thought I was pregnant. You can imagine what this has done to my heart! It has been a roller coaster, only to take a down fall after the excitement of every high!

My dear friend shared with me the story of Hannah, and after nibbling on it for awhile, I wanted to share with you:

Elkanah was a man who had two wives... Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had many children, Hannah had none. Peninnah basically tortured Hannah by teasing her that she Hannah no children, and Peninnah herself had an abundance. What did Hannah do with this? It says she worshiped the Lord, and it said that she, "...poured out her soul before the Lord."

So, let's break it down:

Peninnah's heart: Prideful

Peninnah's fruit: Teased Hannah, wasn't grateful, lacked fellowship (because she viewed Hannah as "her rival"

Hannah's heart: Humble

Hannah's fruit: Asked God, Trusted God, Truthful/Poured out her soul to the Lord, Had fellowship (with her husband as well as Eli), and eventually had a child.

My application: How kind of God to mold my heart to depend on him for children.

It is not David's fault I am not pregnant. God is leading David, and God has called me to submit to David no matter the circumstance (unless blatant sin)! Submission is not a matter of choice, but obedience, regardless! It says in 1 Sam that God had closed up Hannah's womb. I must see that it is God who has closed up my womb and not David.

It is ok for me to pour out my soul before the Lord! It is ok to weep! God hears and understands me! Children are a great thing! They are a heritage! And it is something for a woman to have children!!!! So cry out!

I want to be the woman who trusts God, not the woman who is at war with other women, David or God!

So, I am not pregnant... Now will I be for awhile (unless God). But, I know in this time, God has called me to trust Him! He is sovereign and knows what's best for me! He is leading David! A humble heart will produce humble fruit!

² Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deut 8:2-3

[Taken from I Sam 1:1-20] To be continued...

God=Good

2010-01-28T12:48:00.000-08:00

Now, I shall attempt to proclaim the goodness of the Lord, in whom my life is constantly being refreshed and encouraged daily. For one week there has been a perpetual plight for me. For this whole week, my heart has been like a raging sea swelling up against the Lord in anger. Doubt rose like the morning sun, "Why?" "Don't you love me?" "Don't you hear me?" "Aren't you good, at all?"

So, as I sat this Sunday at the breakfast table, I began to ask David questions. Elementary as they were, God used them to reveal a misguided thinking in my life. I felt God was at war against me, because I was viewing my life as 80% bad and 20 % good. As I began to weigh everything in my mind, it all added up to this: Bad>Good=Therefore God is not good. This, my friend, could not be farther from the truth! Think of it like a bar graph. It seemed to me there was a bar of 80% bad and a bar that went up to 20% that was good. But, this is the reality: God=Good. There is not two different bars in the graph, there is just one, and it is three-d. And one side, the limited side, I can only see. But, God can see the whole graph. I can not charge God with having limited sight and me unlimited; I cannot say that this situation is bad and that God does not understand . He sees everything, he knows everything, AND HE IS GOOD. This is not bad what is happening to me, but good! I am so limited in my knowledge that I must trust and rely on God's knowledge. I say again, Anxiousness is rooted in unbelief, and unbelief in the ignorance of who God is! I must know that God knows everything, can accomplish anything, and that he is in control of everything. Standing on these bases will aid my heart!

Also, let me say that at this time, God has revealed many things to me that I believed would "fix" my problem, but when they didn't, I felt like I failed. A few for example: I need to confess more, I need to give more, I need to whatever it is. These things are all good, but I cannot use them as a ladder to get to God. I think one problem I had was that every time God would reveal something to me, I would think, "Oh this is it, this is my problem. This will make everything better." Then I would go and try to fix my life; these things were not fixing my problem. Nothing was! This is because God has me here! He has me here for my good. I can't work my way out of this! I may not ever know why God has me here, or maybe I will find out tomorrow, or maybe a year from now, but what I know today is that God is good and is working all things out for my good! Hark, raise your trumpet with me friend! Let us yell with our lives that God is good! The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger. --Elisabeth Elliot

VERBAL VOMIT!!!

2010-01-20T08:54:00.001-08:00

This will be a long and verbally intensive post. Maybe you won't read it, and that is ok, but I must, I am compelled, I am in need of some verbal purging. Maybe you will give up before the end, and my friend, that is ok too, I just pray that anything I say may be of some service to you! I pray God will impart grace to you as you read this post, for in it is the depth of my heart, a sinful and corrupt sort of thing:

So, these past four days have been probably one of the toughest thickets I have had to tear my way through. As most of you know, David and I are living with David's parents and have been for the past five months. Let me first of all, for my sanity's sake share that these two people are very sweet, giving and oh so loving! They have been amazing in our time of need, a great example of Christ and they have taken us in, and "given us food."

So, my reckoning is not with them; however, I am compelled to do so due to the abundance of my sinful heart and it's ever outpouring of sin against them. My fruit must be dealt with, but more than that, my soul.

I have had many different stages of perspective over the past months, some good, some evil. But, I must say that I have never come to a point in all this where I have questioned God's faithfulness and goodness... Until Sunday. Oh yes, my dear friend, after a phone call that revealed David's job might be in question and the thought of going back to a place that is not our own, the depths of my heart were eager to question God. With an outpouring of tears that seem to come from the very pit of my stomach, my fists rose up in rally against God. The very words to my husband, "I just don't feel like God is being good to us!"

These words, with a few others to question my Lord, have resounded in my head and heart over the past few days. I have turned to food (chocolate), man (my husband), world (tv), sleeping, bitterness and much more to comfort my soul in this time. I told my husband, I wake and feel as if there is no hope in sight.

With the lie that these things actually can give my soul comfort, I fall, broken and afraid before my Lord.

God, however will not keep me there, for Christ stands in the gap of my ignorance.

Anxiousness, worry, fear, anger... all of these are rooted in unbelief, and unbelief is rooted in the ignorance of God! And, even though I have know strength to give, God is giving me his grace in many ways... The words of a dear friend, "I am aware that god greatly wants to comfort you bc my mind is flooded with scripture for YOU! ~Psalm 57 " I cry out to God most high, who will fulfill his purpose for me!"

~" God is our refuge and help a very present help in trouble"

Also, God has been giving me scripture as well. When I want to turn to TV, I keep reminding myself, "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on this law he meditates day and night." I know that watching most TV, it will only feed sin, but reading scripture and books, my soul is fed.

This morning, I wanted to feel related to, so I read Psalm 13

"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

It is funny, because as I read this verse, I felt so understood, so related to! But then, I got to the last verses, and realized, these verses are what David and I memorized a month ago that were so helpful to me. I don't think at the time I realized this verse was in the context of the Psalmist crying out to God... How sweet for God to open my eyes to his word! That, when it is easy, God has dealt bountifully with me, when it is hard God has dealt bountifully with me, but even now, when it is ridiculously hard and I don't feel like believing God is good, HE IS STILL DEALING BOUNTIFULLY WITH ME!!!

I must say that the thought of this doesn't make me want to go run and clean the whole house, and it doesn't make me want to fix dinner, or give up chocolate, but it does bring me comfort, and I think that knowing who God is will bring about fruit.

God, grant me the grace to believe your character, that you may produce a life of fruitful obedience.

75lbs in a year!!!

2010-01-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

Ok so I wanted to keep up my question "How do you cultivate a thankful heart" from my last post for a while, because I really really would love some thoughts... But, I could not pass up this chance of introducing you guys to this wonderful new blog. Tara, a really really cool girl who is smokin hot (inside and out) and has lost about 75 lbs since Jan 2009. She is writing a blog about how she did it, and her current post lists seven ways to help with weight loss/ becoming healthy! They are fantastic ideas that you should check out!!!!

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes, instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful."

Oh, please tell me your thought on my lost post! Please!!!

2010-01-14T17:29:00.001-08:00

What are your thoughts on cultivating a heart of thankfulness?

Relief for the moment!

2010-01-13T12:55:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I started the day out horribly overcome with bitterness and anger. No joke. If you think this a little dramatic, my husband will plead with you otherwise. With my burst of anger David gently said to me this morning, "Babe, will you go get into the word."

I must say at this point, my heart was actually desiring some time with God, in hope that some relief be in sight. As I read Ps 42, I felt understood. David, or the Psalmist was crying out to God about his circumstances. His soul was heavy.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God."

It is pure hope knowing that my circumstances are not forever. This is only temporary, and God has a plan for my life. He is using this time to root out sin, grow my faith, teach, discipline and also using this time for his plan! My new favorite saying is, "Anxiousness is rooted in unbelief, and unbelief in the ignorance of who God is!"

Now, I say all that to say, today has been fairly relieving for me. My husband and I have spent the day together. I have received two packages of mail from my mom, and one from my best friend, Megan! Do you know how glorious this is?! David and I are also going to some friends' house tonight for dessert. This makes me excited! I know I must not find joy in these things, my joy is found in Christ alone, but to know that people love me, and that God is using these people in my life to help relieve me in my time of need overwhelms me! In this season of my life, I am grateful for the little moments.

How to organize meals for a family in need

2010-01-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

Ok so for real I just found the best thing ever!!! If you are trying to organize meals a family, this is the best website ever!!!! I know some of you peps will be needing this soon!!! Here is a website that was sent to me for our care group leader who is about to have a baby. This is just an example of how awesome this is!!! Love you wonderful planners!!! Let me know what you think!

Organize friends or family meals: here

A Snow Prayer by David

2010-01-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

"Lord, you left a little frozen dust this morning,

for some reason that's above me.

Some of it got on the driveway and the roads,

so it's a bit more difficult to whoa and go.

I don't really mind, though, knowing how much planning this took-

It's beautiful, white, and pure, like a metaphor.

And if we sit at home for a little bit,

you would show us how you're so magnificent."

Confession is good for the Soul!!!!

2010-01-06T05:04:00.000-08:00

So, many of you (the three of you who actually read my blog) know that I have been doing a study on Psalms. This morning I was reading 38. The words, "I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin." This morning, I spent time meditating on confession. I see my sin in abundance, but lacking ever more is my confession! I must have believed confession does nothing, for to see my lack of it, reveals the reality of my belief, that it is not important. But, I must say, God's grace revealed otherwise this morning.

Charles Spurgeon says it like this: "... the accusations of his conscience he admits. Open confession is good for the soul. When sorrow leads to hearty and penitent acknowledgment of sin it is blessed sorrow, a thing to thank God for most devoutly. My confession shall be salted with briny tears. It is well not so much to bewail our sorrows as to denounce the sins which lie at the root of them. To be sorry for sin is no atonement for it, but it is the'right spirit in which to repair to Jesus, who is the reconciliation and the Saviour. A man is near to the end of his trouble when he comes to an end with his sins."

"It is well not so much to bewail our sorrows as to denounce the sins which lie at the root of them." Wow!!! This is a revolutionary statement for me! I don't need to mourn over the fact that I have spent this whole week complaining. That my sin is too great, and just wallow in it. No, he has called me to search out the depths of my heart to find the root of the sin, confess it, and proclaim God's salvation through Christ!!! God has rescued me from my sin! He has overcome through the blood of Jesus!

He says in I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness. "

I think that by getting the root, confessing, and claiming Christ, God uses that to make me more like him! "Confession is not atonement", as Spurgeon puts it, but is sanctification, and is "good for the soul."

So, in this season of my life, though the sorrow is many, and sin abounds, I shall call this season blessed, because it brings me ever to my Saviour! Praise Him!!!

Questions to ask for 2010

2010-01-05T10:49:00.001-08:00

(These questions helped me figure out some of my goals for this year!)

1. What's one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?

2. What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?

3. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?

4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?

5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?

6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?

7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?

8. What's the most important way you will, by God's grace, try to make this year different from last year?

9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?

10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

My Precious!!!!

2009-12-28T17:56:00.001-08:00

I love her so much!! There is a special place in my heart for this little one!!! ~LYRIC~ The second love of my life!

Grandbama!!!

2009-12-21T20:38:00.000-08:00

So, my grandmother is an avid anti-obama fan! Let's just say her love for Obama is very minuet. She is the most conservative, opionated, right-winged little broad that ever was! She is the cutest little woman you have even seen, and she is so feisty! I love her so much! So, in honor of her "love" for Obama, my brother and I are giving her a special Christmas gift that I believe she will enjoy very much!!! This picture will be put in a frame for her little eyes on Christmas morning! It will be great!

Side note: The opinions of my grandmother do not reflect my opinions. I respect my president and believe God holds the kings heart in his hand; like a watercourse, he directs it wherever he pleases!!

I will cling to the Cross

2009-12-19T10:39:00.001-08:00

Where shall I stop my heart from spinning on a thousand different course? When shall the direction of my heart align with my Lord's?

Stay here awhile my friend as I peacefully protest against my heart; raise up your banner with me as we proclaim Christ and his Cross. Glory to God in the highest!

"My heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it?" This is the definition of my life these past months. As I sulk desperately in sin, wondering aimlessly through this desert trying to manifest some sort of dignity of self, this battle I realize is a war against my flesh and my spirit!

It is not dignity of self at all that I need, for if I could gain something from myself, it would be the "hideous doctrine" appointed for me. But, Christ has conquered! He has restored my soul! He has given me a new heart.

I have this constant struggle, lately. My selfish pride and vanity war against me. Now, more than ever I must fight! Fight for Christ! Fight for righteousness! This war has been my ever present friend! And, I must admit, I don't always "choose life!" But, God is sustaining and teaching me! He is refining and patiently molding me! He is gently disciplining me!

If I could only come to you, my friend, and say I have won! Oh what a joy that would be! Yes we have won the battle of all battles! But to win over flesh in the moment! To have victory in my season right now would seem utterly impossible! But, wait, there is something more!!! I know there will be a day when I can say, "Lord, you have turned my morning into dancing! Weeping has tarried in the night, but you have given me joy in the morning!"

Until that day comes and after that day has passed, I will cling to the cross, for in the cross there is fullness of joy! And in the cross, I have victory!!!

"He, being in very nature, God, did not consider equality to be grasped, but made himself nothing. Taking the very form of a servant, being made in human likeness, being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross. Therefore, God exalted him to highest place and gave him a name that was above every name. That at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the father!

2009-12-16T07:13:00.001-08:00

Oh, my dear friend Alicia has started a blog... And the whole world rejoices!!!

View it here

2009-12-14T11:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks Katie:

Giveaway

Now all I know is grace!

2009-12-13T16:56:00.001-08:00

I just simply feel like writing, so here you go, my friend:

We have been doing a study of Psalms in church, and in our Quiet Time as well! It has been totally refining, and absolutely refreshing! Our Pastor said at the beginning of this study, "We study Psalms to study the Cross!" What sweet words, to know that the Psalter is so much more than a soft-hearted, sentimental piece that helps align your heart before worship (which it is, but it is more than that as well!)

I must admit, this season of my life has been challenging and ever bearing of my complaints and grievances. Many questions and pleas for God to take my cup away from me! Oh how my God must love me, to keep me in this time of revelation of my sin!

But, I must say that I have learned through Psalms, he is doing more than keeping me, he is refining me! God says in his word, "A crucible for silver and a furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart."

The gold and silver must go through the heat to be refined and made pure! Then he says, the Lord is the one who tests the heart, God's testing will result in my refining!

My season has been hard and sinful, but God is molding me into his image! I am constantly being reminded in the Psalms study that God's steadfast love and faithfulness are poured on me because of Christ's death on the cross! Thank Christ for his "obedience to death, even death on a cross." Like that song goes, "Now all I know is grace... Hallelujah."

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has dealt bountifully with me." -Ps 13

"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness." Ps 25

"He leads me in paths of righteousness" -Ps 23

"For the king trusts in the Lord, and through the steadfast love of the Most High he shall not be moved." Ps 21

"For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness." Ps 26

"Let the thank the Lord for his steadfast love."Ps 107

Here is my poll today... Which one should I do?

2009-12-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

Should I go long...

Or should I go short?

Love that Ole poem!

2009-12-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

 To my Dear and Loving Husband by Anne Bradstreet

If ever two were one, then surely we.

If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;

If ever wife was happy in a man,

Compare with me, ye woman,if you can.

I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold,

Or all the riches that the east doth hold.

My love is such that rivers cannot quench,

Nor aught but love from thee, give recompense.

Thy love is such I can no way repay,

The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.

Then while we live, in love let's so persevere

That when we live no more, we may live ever.

For Every Woman:

2009-12-03T18:45:00.000-08:00

Just some good questions I found to ask yourself when shopping for your wardrobe this holiday season:

What is the intent of my heart in purchasing these clothes:
Is my intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood?
Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshiping God?
Or is it to call attention to myself, and flaunt my beauty?
Or worse, to attempt to allure men sexually?
Does a humble heart and a servant’s heart dictate my wardrobe and appearance?
Is my shopping informed and governed by modesty and restraint?
Or is your dress motivated by a desire for attention and approval from others?
Does my style reflect a lack of self-control?

"A woman who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance."

Read more: here

For Stay at Home Wives:

2009-12-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

So, I am recognizing a little flea pestering me, and I need to take a bath! I need to be washed in the waters of Christ!

As wives we are called to manage our homes, to be our husband's helper. And for me right now, I am a stay at home wife, with not a lot of responsibilities. We have no kids; we live with David's parents, and there are some things I just can't do at his parents house. And, some things tire me working in their house. So, my life consists of working out, doing the dishes, doing laundry, cooking, getting ready and reading. That is not a lot when I look at a friend on facebook who has basically been superwoman today and cleaned her whole house, managed kids, and done 6 loads of laundry! What a woman.

I have been facing a, shall I say, superfluous lie that creeps in on a regular basis. A lie that says I have to work to get favor, to earn grace! If I spend my whole day and just do the dishes and read, I fear a loss of favor from God and from my husband, and people around, I might add. If I miss a week of working out, condemnation sets in, and I feel ruined.

So, I am merely just opening up the computer and preaching to myself as I journal my thoughts. I read yesterday in Psalms 19 that the law of the Lord is perfect and it is in this law my soul is revived! So my prayer is that as I lay hold of God's promises, my soul might be refreshed and grace by faith will be ever poured anew, and that you might be encouraged as well!

God says:
"It is the gift of God not by works, so that no man shall boast."
"But now, He has reconciled you, by Christ's physical body, through death, to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation."
"so that IN HIM we may become that righteousness of God."
"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their Hope in God made themselves beautiful."
"So we fix our eyes, not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
"he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy."

It is simply this.. The Gospel... Christ died for sins... I so often start living apart from this
measure. Even when I have had a great day, my husband will come home and I will tell him all the things I have done right, as to earn favor with him. But what he tells me then is that regardless of my deeds, whether accomplished or unaccomplished, favor with God and therefore favor with my him is still ever-present and ever-complete.

So, it is my hope that as you and I both consider the wondrous work of the cross and the joy that God's favor is not earned, but so graciously given in spite of our inabilities or disabilities, that we, dear friend would walk in freedom. Not to become lazy and satisfied, but let us eagerly expect this hope to spark a deep love for growing our capacity of helping our husbands, in whatever season, and even when we can't do all of the things we want, that God would remind us of his grace!

By 1000 Generations!!!

2009-12-01T08:05:00.000-08:00

This has encouraged my heart so much!!!

Failure doesn't phase you.
Worry doesn't win.
Lost doesn't leave you afraid to start again.
Our sin doesn't shock you.
Our shame doesn't shame you at all.
Mistakes do not move you.
Terror doesn't tame.
Death doesn't doom you to life in the grave.
Our suffering doesn't scare you.
Our secrets won't surprise you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

Hatred doesn't hide you.
Evil doesn't ail.
Despair can't disguise you and tell you that you fail.
Our doubt doesn't daunt you.
Our darkness won't defeat you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

You're bigger than the battle,

You are bigger than the battle,

You are bigger than the battle has ever been!!

Praise Him for the circumstance. Praise Him for the trial!!!

2009-11-28T18:12:00.000-08:00

Maybe I am being emotional, maybe it is my feminine nature, but I just want to say that my heart is happy. I am so thankful that I do not hunger for a riddance of void in my life. I am done trying to fill a hole with an apparition of joy. I am grateful that Christ has died for my sins, paid my debt and now, has given me true peace and joy! But, I don't want to view this joy selfishly as if it was all about me. I want to bask in the sweet aroma of my Savior's death. I want to savor the taste of the gospel, for in it, there is "fullness of joy."

I want to find joy in every circumstance knowing that in every trial God is good. His character is good and therefore he cannot act anything other than what he is. "God is not man that he should lie, nor son of man that he should change his mind. Does he speak and not act? Does he promise and not fulfill." God is good, and therefore good to me!!!!! He is all wise, and therefore knows what is best for me. And He is all powerful, and therefore can and WILL accomplish what is good in my life!!! I believe that God's good is my good. Therefore, I must conclude that when God stretches out his hand and extends his goodness to me, it is not only for my good, but His glory! Praise Him for the circumstance. Praise Him for the trial!!!

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

Ps 84:11

"By Him all things were created. Things in Heaven and on Earth. Visible and Invisible. Whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities. All things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him they exist."

2009-11-24T11:32:00.000-08:00

God never fails us! He fights for us! He is good!

Megan Parker Photography

2009-11-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

My mom made me get back into my wedding dress for some fun bridal portraits and mother daughter photos! Megan Parker is a wonderful photographer! We had so much fun!

Robbing God's glory

2009-11-21T13:43:00.000-08:00

So, I am really just journaling more than anything, but God just tested my heart, and I must confess the sin that was revealed!!! Basically, I took something that God gave me, and laid claim to it. It was mine, and I viewed as if I deserved all the glory for it! How sinful is that! To think, God so graciously gave me this gift in the first place. This must grieve God, to give his child a precious gift and then that child to take glory for it... But, in the place of contempt and disgust I find joy and forgiveness. Christ died for my sins! He was punished for that very instance of robbing God of His glory! "But he was pierced for my transgressions, he was crushed for my iniquities, the punishment that brought us piece was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us have turned to his on way. THE LORD HAS PLACED ON HIM THE INIQUITY OF US ALL!!!"

I must also testify to the grace of God's redemptive plan. He so graciously taught me about giving God the glory due his name this morning. And to think, he would also graciously reveal this in my life... I wrote this in my journal this morning about Psalm 18... "God saved David from all his enemies. He was grateful. He saw God delivered him; not himself. My application: GIVE GOD THE GLORY DUE HIS NAME!"

How crazy that God would reveal the very thing (or the lack there of) in my heart that I journaled about this morning! I am amazed by his gentleness in disciplining and correcting me. His word says, "How can a young man cleanse his way, by taking heed according to your word (ps 119:9-11). I delight in the law of the Lord (Ps1:1-4).

Lacy Love

2009-11-20T12:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this beautiful woman you see is none other than Mrs. Tatum... Lace is a wonderful, Christ honoring friend who is one of those wives you strive to be like. Sometimes you fail in your attempts because of the standard put forth by her! She is excellent in all she does! She is a woman who seeks to make her house a place of comfort and refuge! She is a master of crafts, making everything she touches beautiful!

But most of all, she is wise! Searching out my convictions a few years ago, I spent many a nights snuggling with her, asking her questions, rooting out false convictions and building my own. She was one of the first people endeavoring to teach me how to think! She has blessed my life, she is a godly woman! She is Lacy Tatum!

No No my Bo Bo

2009-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

Now, I shall tell you about one of the most important people in my life... My brother!!! His story...One of reconciliation, forgiveness, power, and my list could not continue unless I say, JESUS!! Christ has done such a work in my brother's life! If you would have known him before, you would have seen the depths of my heart as well, my heart was broken for my brother. He lived a life of foolishness, disobedience, deceit and enslavement by all kinds of passions and pleasures. He lived in malice and envy being hated and hating others (Titus 3:3).

Do you think this sounds harsh to say my brother was all of those things? I make this statement, not to reveal my brother's evilness, but to reveal what Christ has done in my brother. But, when the kindness and love of God his savior appeared, He saved him.

So, I ask you today, implore you, remember your salvation... What Christ has done in your life! Saved you, not because of the righteous things you have done, but because of HIS MERCY!

I am so thankful that Christ has changed my brother's life! He has been rescued!!! My brother's fervency for the gospel, to know Christ more and his desire to make Him known has encouraged my heart these past months! I honor my brother today, because he is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come (II Cor 5:17)!!!

Laura, Laura, Laura

2009-11-18T10:12:00.000-08:00

This is my dear friend Laura... She has such a heart for the world to know Jesus! She has been in my life through a lot of circumstances!!! She was my first friend in college that pushed me closer to Christ!!! She gave me courage to fight! She taught me so many things about myself, Jesus, and others! What a great example of Acts 20:24 she is to me! I thank God for Laura always initiating to me! She is my friend, and I love her!

MeGaN

2009-11-17T08:03:00.001-08:00

Today, I want to rejoice for I have a wonderful friend named Megan! She has moved away, and I don't get to see her much... But this woman is an amazing gentle and quiet one who always seeks to put others above herself. Her desire is to know the Lord, to seek him in all decisions, and she is an encouragement to my soul! She is my best friend, and I love her!

100 free christmas cards with your picture on them!!

2009-11-16T15:49:00.001-08:00

Hey ladies, I just found where you can get 50 Christmas cards with family pics on them for free. This is what you have to do...

Go to http://www.seehere.com/?cmUploadSubSID=3
Upload your pics and do your thing... Then you can order 50 4X8s or 5x7s
At the end of the check out, if you log in this code freebies4mom-1109(make sure you type and not paste it)
You will get 50 cards for $0
I just did it!!!!
You have until Nov 30th

Oh and before you do the 50 free, you can also get 100 free if you are new to the website... Just type in prints as your code before and separately from the other code with 50 free.

Hope this works for you!!!!

2009-11-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

Today, I want to celebrate my good friend Alicia! What a great friend! God has blessed me with an amazing woman who is in my season of life! "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." I have to say, spending time with Alicia is very encouraging and helps mold me into a godly wife and woman!

My glorious calling!

2009-11-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

So I was thinking in the shower how I have so many married friends who are in such a different stage of life... Working, going to school, staying at home with no child, staying at home with children, working and going to school, babysitting a grandchild three days a week, and the list goes on, or maybe it doesn't. But, what I was thinking is just how no matter where we are in life, we are called to be helpers to our husbands. For a season, it may help to go to work, or to stay home, or you name it... But, no matter where we are, we are to honor our husbands and be a helper! My in laws have been at home this week with me, and I have to admit, I have been a little anxious that they see me work at home. Will they think Im lazy? Do they know I am helping David? What do they think about me not working? etc... But, I was simply reminded that no matter what they think, God has called me to this season and to be a helper for David, and this is what my family has decided is the best way for ME to help David. I don't need to live in light of others approval (a trivial discipline that I must be reminded of every day!), but live for Christ and what he has called me to!!!! A Helper to my husband, not yours! Hence, I can rejoice! For God has called me out of the pits of hell, when I was living for myself, and he has saved me through Christ's death! And has given me a calling!!! Praise Jesus, God has gave me a glorious calling!!! To be my husband's helper!!!

Let us not become weary in doing good!!!

High Above all the Nations

2009-11-10T08:51:00.001-08:00

Ok so through many trials this past month, I am starting to realize that disobedience/distrust is happening in my heart a lot with David. It has crept in so silently and stealthy, that I was unaware of this pattern in my life! God is revealing this to me, by his grace. So, this week my heart has been trying to meditate, contemplate, alleviate what is going on!!! I am not at the finished product, but feel it necessary to pen my heart! This is what I have come up with.

1. Obeying my husband is obeying God: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." -Eph 5:22

2. I am called to submit in EVERYTHING: ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. I am not called to obey David only when I think he is making a good decision. I am called to obey him regardless (unless it is clearly disobedient i.e. smoking weed). This is a part of my issue because I have let lies come in saying that I have a better decision. God is leading David, and David is being faithful to listen!!!

3. God will bless David's decision because I am obeying him. If I think I have a better decision and lack submission, God will not bless that!: " If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth" Deut 28:1-3

4. To obey David is to love God: "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21 This too shows that if I submit to David, God will reveal himself to us!!

5. To truly submit to David should not be burdensome: "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, ⁴for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith." I John 5:2-4
God's word promises that we can have victory in Christ because we have overcome through Christ. I can have victory!

6. Confess it: "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." -I John 1:9

7. Meditate on this...God has given my abundant grace, for Christ died for my sins and I stand righteous before God!: "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Side note: I am so proud of my husband... He is a great leader. He has so encouraged me with his daily walking with Christ! He really seeks out counsel and is eager to follow Christ! He shows me grace all of the time!!!

Sermons that are great!!!

2009-10-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

Please Please Please, check these sermons out... They are so great!!!!

A talk that taught me about encouragement: "Bliss: Promoting joy" 10/18/09 Click on Media then on Sermons... You will be so encouraged!!! There are also other sermons on bliss/joy that really encouraged me when my circumstances where a little trying.

Also, I just found on there a seminar on marriage!! I am about to listen to it! I am sure it will be great as well! It is on the seminar link in the Media section.

Self-centered encouragement? Do you do it?

2009-10-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

So, I wanted to take this time to delve in a little deeper and unfold a little bit of God's great kindness in teaching me obedience!

Remember me sharing how God was teaching me about how to listen to others, encourage them, and not be so self-centered... Well this is what I am talking about when I say God is using my church to gently correct my view of encouragement. Here is a list of three ways God has used his body to change my view on encouragement:

1. I saw encouragement played out in a biblical way.. An amazing lady in my care group shared with me a verse that she felt could really encourage me. "he (Jesus) learned obedience through what he suffered...(there is more obviously)" God is showing me that although I am suffering, and it is hard, real hard, God is so graciously teaching me, equipping and training me in righteousness, holiness. He is refining me into an image more like Christ's.

2. I was taught about encouragement... My church service was on encouragement. "Biblical encouragement is imparting and instilling courage to others for the fight of faith...It is Christ centered and embedded with Scripture." Ok, so what I am leaning about myself is that I view encouragement as me telling people what I have done (i.e. shared Jesus with three girls, had an amazing quiet time, etc...)and them being encouraged by my act of obedience. What I am finding is that while our works can be encouraging, for us to share about ourselves to encourage others is man-centered and laboriously vain. To encourage someone is to point out the Spirit's work in their life. Biblical encouragement is not false praise given selfishly to gain something in return. Sometimes, I think if I can conjure up something nice to say, or something complimentative, I will make Christ proud which will in turn place me in good standing with Him. What I view as encouragement is both shallow and flatter and has an outcome which causes people to fall. "A man who flatters his neighbors spreads a net for his feet." What is the outcome of biblical encouragement? "...only what is helpful for building others up...that it may benefit them..." We can either help to build up or tear down.

3. I actually tried encouraging someone... After the service, he asked everyone to put into practice what they had heard, so afterward, you can imagine what it was like... All across the church people were going to each other and encouraging one another. Well, I went to my husband, or should I say, he came to me first, said something about my life that encouraged him, and then... it was my turn... I must admit, it was really weird, even with my husband, the person who knows everything about me, my soul, my fears, etc... it was so weird to sit with him and pull out of his life works that I have seen from the Spirit that I have been so encouraged by... It was not that I didn't know what to say, I definitely had plenty to tell him, it was just that I am not used to encouraging people with their own life... I have always been me centered. I must say that encouragement is a discipline, and I do want to grow in it!!! I am so glad God is rooting out selfishness in my life!

My poem to put into words what I am going through...

2009-10-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

The Struggle

I am thinking writing and attempting to pen
this beautiful place I find my heart in.

Struggling, weak, hurting in pain
what I'm learning though is that its all gain.

Through treacherous terrain I am attacking my path
through fear and sin my heart doth grasp,

The truth so freeing, so strong indeed,
all I can do is fall to my knees.

When its tough and I feel this deep so dark,
I look at you, for you are the mark.

Sometimes I admit, I can't feel ease.
in this constant abyss that won't release,

Does it ever end, are you really there?
I have all these feelings I am very aware.

Is it true that in weakness you are strong,
Have you really been there all along.

In the deepest pit my heart does go,
Lord, I can't imagine the thought of growth.

My heart dissolves in your presence alas,
for Christ I see you more than a task.

God so merciful, so gracious indeed,
praise you O Lord, for you have set my soul free!

Pierced Crushed Wounded this perfect God,
In my place, to the pits of hell he trod.

This thought of Christ makes me unashamed,
makes me see this struggle my highest gain!

I do see Christ revealing his love to me,
these chains I once saw are setting me free!

Do you have the skills?

2009-10-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

David and I go to an amazing church, where people have a great discipline of listening to you and pulling things out of your life. Through seeing people interact, and interacting myself, I have been gently rebuked on my listening skills.

Last night, I was hanging out with some family, and I noticed that as soon as someone mentioned something, I want to relate to them. I told them a story about myself. Although relating is great, and there is a place for that, I think people desire something more than that. More than relating and understanding who I am, people want to be heard and understood.

So I propose, and make it my aim to conquer my vanity and grow my listening skills. And, when someone starts up a conversation with me, I am going to first ask them more questions about what they said, instead of saying, "Oh, yes, I know what you mean, I..."

DISCONTENTMENT!!!!

2009-10-12T12:38:00.001-07:00

SOooooooo good!

The opposite of covetousness is contentment in God. When contentment in God decreases, covetousness for gain increases. That’s why Paul says in Colossians 3:5 that covetousness is idolatry. “Put to death what is earthly in you: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness which is idolatry.” It’s idolatry because the contentment that the heart should be getting from God it starts to get from something else.

So covetousness is desiring something so much that you lose your contentment in God. Or: losing your contentment in God so that you start to seek it elsewhere.

Have you ever considered that the Ten Commandments begin and end with virtually the same commandment? “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3) and “You shall not covet” (Exodus 20:17) are almost equivalent commands. Coveting is desiring anything other than God in a way that betrays a loss of contentment and satisfaction in him. Covetousness is a heart divided between two gods. So Paul calls it idolatry.

Here is another on contentment by Lydia Brownback from my dear friend Megan:

Whatever we long for but lack is an area in which God will reveal himself to be adequate for us. Since that is true, the source of our misery is not that we lack the thing we long for; our misery comes from wanting that thing so much that we are not open to recognizing or receiving any alternative. Contentment comes as we wait on God's timetable and as we trust that what he provides in the midst of our lack is really all we need until he provides something else...obsessing on an unmet desire also takes away our joy and delight in all that God has provided for us today.

Pretty Woman Shopping

2009-10-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

My mom and I had a well lets call it "Pretty Woman" shopping day! It was so much fun!!! So we decided to try a matching outfit. Don't worry, we didn't get these dresses, but we did do some intense shopping. I think my favorite piece would be these shoes:
I did have so much fun shopping, but more than that, I had much needed time with my mom!!! I hadn't seen her in forever! Boy did we have some fun. We both said it was like a little vacay for us!!!

What a woman!!!

2009-10-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'd like to share with you a strong and encouraging woman! Joyce Hensley, David's grandmother. She recently passed away on Sunday the 27th of September. She had been living in a nursing home for about a year, as we slowly watched her mortal body decline, and in the later quickly. I want to share her with you, because she really encouraged my heart. Although she was not all there, she was the sweetest woman. I know some older women tend to get grumpy and agitated with age, this woman only got sweeter with age! I remember one time I told her, even though she probable had no idea who I was, "I love you", and she told me "Nuh uh, I love you because I am bigger."

They say she was such a godly woman, and that she was such a giving and thankful woman throughout her life. Her life displayed Christ even unto her death. It was sad to see her body go, but how excited I am for her that she is with Jesus now! I just wonder what her eyes are gazing upon! Death is gain!

Today is her birthday, and I want to celebrate her life!!!

Waking up to the gospel!

2009-09-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

Idea #1. Wake up to the gospel.

So my husband and I went and bought a CD alarm clock yesterday, and put Hillsong hymns in and woke up to the song "What can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus." Let my just say that waking up having the gospel sung to you is so refreshing! We just laid there, both awake, and both keenly aware of what Christ had done for us! What sweet sweet time we had in those 5 min of laying there letting Hillsong preach it!

2009-09-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

My first cake! And cake fight! David and I had powdered sugar everywhere!!! This was a bunt cake thus creating a dip in the middle.

2009-09-19T14:08:00.001-07:00

These are the almost done pics of our house! Please notice the wonderful tile countertop job my husband did! We loved flipping a house!

A perfect picture of what I have been learning!!!

2009-09-09T13:00:00.001-07:00

The excellence of heavenly wisdom, in opposition to that which is worldly.

"Christianity teaches men to be joyful under troubles: such exercises are sent from God's love; and trials in the way of duty will brighten our graces now, and our crown at last. Let us take care, in times of trial, that patience, and not passion, is set to work in us: whatever is said or done, let patience have the saying and doing of it. When the work of patience is complete, it will furnish all that is necessary for our Christian race and warfare. We should not pray so much for the

removal of affliction, as for wisdom to make a right use of it. And who does not want wisdom to guide him under trials, both in regulating his own spirit, and in managing his affairs? Here is something in answer to every discouraging turn of the mind, when we go to God under a sense of our own weakness and folly. If, after all, any should say, This may be the case with some, but I fear I shall not succeed, the promise is, To any that asketh, it shall be given. A mind that has single and

prevailing regard to its spiritual and eternal interest, and that keeps steady in its purposes for God, will grow wise by afflictions, will continue fervent in devotion, and rise above trials and oppositions. When our faith and spirits rise and fall with second causes, there will be unsteadiness in our words and actions. This may not always expose men to contempt in the world, but such ways cannot please God. No condition of life is such as to hinder rejoicing in God. Those of low degree may

rejoice, if they are exalted to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom of God; and the rich may rejoice in humbling providences, that lead to a humble and lowly disposition of mind. Worldly wealth is a withering thing. Then, let him that is rich rejoice in the grace of God, which makes and keeps him humble; and in the trials and exercises which teach him to seek happiness in and from God, not from perishing enjoyments. (Jam 1:12-18)" -M.H Commentary